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Parents of Toddlers |
Public online group |
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hi everyone im new here,and wanted to say hello.well let me lay things on the line for you and im open to any and all suggestions. my son will be 3 in july and i have a bunch of small probs with him. i have never been around kids befor so this mom thing is all new to me. first off he hits and screams no at me while pointing his finger at me, he wont listen to anything you say and is really distructive of everything. i have tried all sorts of dicipline and nothing seems to work. next i cant seem to get him potty trained. he shows an intrest for a while then acts as if he has no clue whats going on. he wont sleep on his own. i have to lay with him in bed untill he falls asleep or all hell will break loose. and he still to this day has not slept through the night. now i have alot of trouble because i have a room mate who has never had kids, and my husband doesnt really help with anything. the other day my son was being a real terror and i pretty much got humiliated by our room mate saying my kid is a brat and i need to get controll of him, and then my husband started to agree with him.any time our son starts throwing a fit my husband gets all bent out of shape and starts getting mad at me. the other day when they ( roommate and hubby) were getting on me about my son being a "brat" i just lost it and started crying my eyes out i was to the point of giving up. im just at wits end any advise would be appreciated. oh and my son is a brute hes not even 3 yet and he is already over 3 ft. tall and 40 lbs. |
Posted by jennifer on 06/27/2007 02:13 PM
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Well first off your husband needs to get of his ass and help you. I would not continue having you in his room while he falls asleep, just put him in there and he at some point has to fall asleep! You guys have to be on the same page! Sophie's dad and I are not together and I have a son with my husband, so it makes it hard to have everyone on the same page but we do it and for that we are blessed. But keep working at it, and stay focused on the positive not the negiative, IGNORE IT!!!!! But continue to praise him~!!!! |
posted by Jeanette on 06/27/2007 02:50 PM
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Oh and potty trainging you may have to get help from someone else, my daughter has no intests at all. lol |
posted by Jeanette on 06/27/2007 02:51 PM
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Welome to the group my son is only 18 months so I am not at the point you re yet but I would lay some rules down for your hubby and tell him to stop critizising you and start helping. He is the father and needs to step up and help you diciplin your child. It's fair to you to do it all. I'm sorry I have no advise for you but you will get some from the other moms they are awesome at helping out beleive me. Hang in there and everything will be ok. This to shall pass LOL thats what I tell myslef with my sons fazes. Good luck and kick you hubby in the ass and tell him to MAN UP!! |
posted by amber on 06/27/2007 07:09 PM
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My husband has been talked to a few times, and I think he is getting if he helps out, his wife is happy and then everyone is happy!!! When he gets home from work I have been going for a walk or a drive to get a coffee or something so it helps to get a break. Tell your husband to step up!!!! |
posted by Jeanette on 06/27/2007 07:19 PM
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Sometimes the guys forget that they need to help. They figure because they go to work all day that when they get home its their time and thats not cool. Moms never get mommy time and in order for the house to be happy the mommy has to be happy. I went through that with my hubby and now he has really step up and helps out alot now. We still have days where he wants to just chill but as long as I have those days to its not a problem you guys need to come to some kind of agreement on how things should be done |
posted by amber on 06/27/2007 07:29 PM
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I agree they do forget, and the need to be reminded but it would be nice to be reminded!!! |
posted by Jeanette on 06/27/2007 07:32 PM
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Jennifer, What a rough time you must be going through, for starters, some words of encouragement. You are a Mom and you are being the best Mom you can be, no one can ask anymore of you. I have faith that you can pull through this and later turn back in shock to see such a different child in front of you then. BEHAVIOR When it comes to your three year old he is testing and figuring out the boundaries. As far as behavior goes, set the limits and be strict on the consequence. I was a preschool teacher and it just so happenes that 2 and 3 year olds are my favorite age to work with. Figure out a disipline method that wors for you and stick with, inconsistency can be hard on both of you. Don't be discouraged when it doesn't work right away, he is only three and he is learning just like you are. The key is to be persistent. The difference is he is learning what is expected of him. Start small with things like cleaning up the toys he has just played with and go from there. I also feel compelled to let you in on a little info, unfortunately it isn't just terrible two's it tends to bleed into the third year as well, so keep in mind what Amber said, "this too will pass". The trick is to establish who is in charge. A good method to try is 1-2-3 magic. All this is, is counting to three. Start by saying, "If you don't stop "behavior" when I get to three you will "Consequence" then say 1", remind him him of what you are asking between each number and if you reach three FOLLOW THROUGH. (Take a little time to count, they need it sometimes to accomplish whatever it is you are asking but always end on three) -Time Out should only be three minutes long (he's only three and any longer and he won't remember why he's in trouble) -Make the consequence fit the behavior (if he threw a toy then he can't have that toy back until he earns it, whether that be by apologizing or whatever else you see fit) (if he hits it should be an automatic time out no questions asked, and be sure to explain that you are upset with the choice he has made, remember they understand a whole lot more than we give them credit for sometimes) -Be realistic with the consequences as well the expectations (Something you may have told him yesterday he may not remember today, so give him fair warning to change the behavior before serving the consequence) and remeber you have to serve the consequence so if you say "if you don't stop that then we'll leave" when he continues the behavior you have to leave, otherwise he has won, so don't say it if you aren't willing to do it. -Lastly always be sure to reward good behavior the less time you spend giving attention for bad behavior the better. (most of the time they are looking for attention, good, bad or indifferent) POTTY TRAINING Try a sticker chart and go out together and pick out his big boy underwear, a chart and his stickers so he feels like he is part of the system. Explain that he only gets to wear them when he goes to the bathroom in the toilet all of the time. Then start small give him a sticker everytime he goes to the bathroom. Once he masters that, up the anty, he gets one if he stays dry all morning, one for all afternoon and one for through the evening, again once mastered, up it to all day. Then once he gets five stickers he gets a reward (your choice, my suggestion something small and not food) Then up it to ten days by the end the reward wlll be the underwear and no more dirty diapers for Mom. Remember in order to get through the night it is a little tougher, be sure to stop his consumption of fluids when it gets close to bedtime and that he goes to the bathroom right before bed, (this is usually the hardest to conquer so have patience and work with him on it) A FEW POINTERS -Don't get stressed he will sense it and it will be like starting all over again. (Don't get mad no matter how frustrating it seems, you can do it and with your help so can he) -This is something they have complete control over so it needs to be on their time with you assistance. -BE optimistic, praise praise praise (you can do it) -Set a bathroom schedule to get him in the rythym of going frequently, like once every 1 or 2 hours Finally, HUSBAND Having a child took two people and raising one needs two. There are plenty of people out there having to do it on their own, but you are fortunate enough not to be one, so let your husband know that. He needs to help and if he sees a problem instead of complaining he needs to either make a suggestion or come up with a solution either way this is just as much his problem as it is yours, stay at home or not. As for the temper tantrums unfortunately they come with the territory, it comes from the inability to express himself. He is too upset and doesn't know how else to react, so help him out, when he behaves that way tell him to tell you what is wrong "you don't understand crying" if it persists designate an area in the home for these melt downs, so that he can't hurt himself or anything else for that matter including you and put him there. Explain to him when he is finished he may get up. JUST remember you are not alone there are plenty of parents going through this same scenario, have faith that you can pull through. Oh one more thing, as for the roommate, let him know when he has kids you'll be sure to critique his parenting skills too but until then he hasn't earned the right to critique yours. Hope this is helpful and feel free to email me for support if you need it. -Nicole G. |
posted by on 07/02/2007 09:28 PM
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