My husband and I have been foster parents for about 2 years looking to abopt.  It has been the most emotional eperience of our lives.  I would love to have any information about how to survive it all.

thanks,

AM

Hi Andi. Well there is no easy answer to how to survive it. You just keep the big picture in mind. Know that sometimes if the hate you, you must be doing something right. Also keep in mind, that it took the all their lives to get this messed up , and it is not easy task to fix the over night. We have had over 20 foster children. Most we never hear from again, but the ones that we do, I still consider my children. In fact the oldest has allowed my the privelge of walking her down the isle this summer for her wedding. I am such a proud pappa.

Hi Andi,

I really understand what you are going though.  I am going though the same thing.  C. is our second foster son that we have had in three years.  Our first son we got as a 5 months old to a 16 yr.  And we had him for 13 months.  J. was returned last oct. 2008 and it was a very hard thing for me and my husband.  Most of the time foster parents don't see there kids again but we have been blessed.  The 13 months that we had to deal with the BM of J. was something else we went though hell and back.  It ended bad.  But after the GM and the BM settled down the BM let us have time with J.  Now we have him two days per month.  And it is wonderful to be able to spend time together with our new son C.  We have had him going on 6 months.  This is his second time in Foster care and we have just been asked and refured to State adoptions.  WE had our two grilling meeting and there will be more to come.  But we knew in DEC that he may come up and we have been praying a lot about it and leaving it all in Gods hands to deal with.  I am so afraid of lossing him too but that is the cost that we have to pay dealing with these kind of kids.  He is 2 1/2 so we have time to help him though all the pain that he is going though.  It's hard to watch for us.  And I cry sometimes because I love him so much.  I feel that we have no control over anything when working with the system.  And you learn to go with the flow. 

One thing that I can say that has helped me now.  Is this...

At the begaining of C's care I met or ran into his BM in the CPS office.  We did get to know each other but after sometime of a few months I cut it all off.  I did because it was hard to see her cry everytime she saw her son and I knew that he wasn't mine.  That was hard to deal with and two that she had lots of drama to deal with and it got to be to much and started to effect our family.  The only memories that C. now has of his BM is he says statements like  mamma cry, mamma Cry lots.....  It is hard for him to deal with this kind of feeling and now we are having to place him into some help for all this anger he faces.  He is a messed up kid at 2 1/2 and it will take a lot of time to help him feel stable again.  I have been told that he took care of himself for one year.  It is a nightmare and ride that with this case we are hoping we can just adopt and love forever.