I divorced my ex husband in Dec last year and I still having problem of letting go of him emotionally.  He physically abuse me and that's the reason why I left him.  I know that he's not worth anything to me and I will not go back to him, but I guess after 7 years of marriage I do feel insecure and lonely sometimes even though my 3 years old son pretty much keep me busy all the time.  I guess I'm not insane to say that I still miss him at some point.  I'm a full time working single mom so sometimes I guess I just feel a bit overwhelmed.  I'm sure some of you might gone through the same stage like me, I just want some inspirations from someone.  Thanks.

I have felt that way many times. Even abusive partners are good people some of the time and it's natural to miss those tender moments. I would suggest reading the book, "Women Who Love Too Much". It is best to use this time (I know it's difficult with a 3 year old!) to work on your issues so that when a healthy man comes around you can create a healthy relationship with him.

I have been separate from my husband for almost a year now. And I do have to say it has been very very difficult letting go. We've tried several times to patch things up and they keep falling apart and I can't seem to break the cycle. I get completely exhausted and anxious when I realize I have to do all this on my own, and at those times the grass really does look greener. I didn't have an abusive relationship, more of a neglectful one, so I guess I can't comment on that part. As much as I'm not your inspirational story about letting go. I do know intellectually, if not my heart that going back isn't going forward and that you really do have to remember why you left in the first place, because no matter how much time passes, those were real reasons, really good reasons. And no matter how much a person can change (and they can change some) they are who they were back then, even if they work on themselves there will always be a part of them that will disappoint and hurt just like before. So stay strong and remember this too shall pass. And I will too

The grass is always greener. Is it just me? When I'm single, it seems like everywhere I go I see a bunch of lovey dovey couples who look happy. Makes me just want to be w/ someone, (even if its an ex-which u have to remember is an ex for a reason). Then, when I'm in a relationship, seems all I see is groups of young girls, laughing, care free, on their way to Happy Hour, a movie or a club & cant help but wish I was single, happy & carefree again. Then I turn to whoever I'm w/ at the time & thinkg "Is this it? Is this the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life w? Have these become my Friday nights!? Cooking, cleaning & Laundry!?" ha ha ha.. ok.. sorry, went a little off there, but I think what u r going through is normal Sandy.  I dont think any kind of abuse is ok, but I've lived it & know its not always just as easy as walking away. ESPECIALLY when there r kids involved. U may even blame urself, but the fact of the matter is no one has the right to put their hands on anyone, for any matter. We arent animals. We are humans w/ the ability to express our selves verbally & in a descent manner. Hang in there, it will get easier. You did the right thing by getting out of this kind of relationship.

Thanks ladies for all of your supports.  I'm just taking one day at a time and pray God to give me strength.  It's just not easy to let go of someone who you trusted and loved the most but sometimes you just have to.  Hopefully the next time my post will be something more cheerful topic rather than focusing on my ex!  Let's work on it together ladies!

I have the same problem. My X wasnt physicall abusive, but he was verbally and emotionally. We had a lot of problems in our relationship, but I still love him and want to work things out. It is soo hard doing EVERYTHING by myself. Like this weekend was a good reminder b/c two of my kids were sick with a stomach thing, and I was trying to keep the other two away from the sick ones so they wouldnt get it..Impossible! If there were two of us there, it would have been a little more doable. Also, now that it is just me, its harder for me to discipline them all effectively. If I tell someone to go to timeout, and Im trying to cook dinner, and they get up, or are playing around, I cant always stop what Im doing right away to redirect the child to time out, and Im not always RIGHT there watching them since I am doing every single thing in the house by myself. When we go see their father on weekends, he says the kids have no discipline, but he has always been more strict than me, and I kind of baby our youngest daughter, and I need him there to help me NOT do that. I really hope we can work on things and I can get him to realize what he needs to do to 'get his family back' since he keeps telling me he wants us back. Its crazy cuz he used to be gone all the time when we lived together and now that we dont live together, he is at home (his house) all the time.

Sandy if it was a physically abusive relationship, then I would definitely say not to go back to him, but I can definitely understand that you miss him, and miss being comfortable with a significant other. That is not crazy. I would say if you really DONT want to go back to him just keep your distance. It is one thing to miss him inside, but dont tell him that and try not to call him or have any communication with him.(unless its about the kids) Its easier said than done, I know, b/c I tried that w/ my X but when I get lonely he is who I feel comfortable with. Maybe you should try getting involved in some sort of activity or going out with friends or something to distract you, and maybe you will meet someone new.

I totally understand where your coming from . My ex wasn't physically abusive however, he was emotionally abusive. Abuse is Abuse. WE have a beautiful kid. Don't feel alone. Those feeling of desperation are normal ecspecially when you had a life  planned and a kid involved and suddenly your living the opposite life. NO one plans to be a single mother, alone, and working. In fact, i think that is most womens fear. WE stick around in these relationships hoping for change, because the truth of the matter is we would be willing to change why cant they. Allow yourself a reasonable time to cry. Then set a reasonable goal to let go. YOu are the only one to set these alloted times. I was truly in love with my ex and he left me when i was pregnant for another girl who eventually left him. Gain stregnth in your child. HARD yes!!!! BUT you have too!!! LEtting go is only  a word until you put it in action. I could tell you my story but it's about you right now. PIck yourself up, it's his loss and it is not a sin to miss him. HOwever at some point realize your probably better off without him and what would you do with him if you had him. :-) Smile God loves you!!!

I know how you feel. I have trouble letting go of my ex also. He abused me also and I still feel like I want him around even thought I know I don't because its not healthy. I thought I was the only one who felt that way. Its so hard too because hes the father of my daughter but I know I have to be strong and do whats right. Dont feel alone I know I do sometimes. You'll get through this :)

The hardest thing is that because we have a son together, I still have to see him every week and when he shows up, he would buy me stuff like new printer, new handbag, new Wii etc.  If I ask for more child support from him he would have no problem handing me couple hundred dollars.  But he doesn't want to reconcile with me and neither am I.  The way I see it is that he wants to make sure that I'm doing ok since I'm taking care of our son and/or he wants to keep me at bay because he knows my feeling towards him.  Whatever he does don't matter to me.  I got out from an abusive relationship and I know that I'm not going back to him even with all those lonely nights and financial stress that I needed to face them all by myself.  

Ladies, we just all need to stay strong and focus on what's best for us and our children.