So I have three kids, 11 yr old daughter, two sons, 2 1/2 and 6 months. My husband works a lot, plus two nights a week and usually is out once a week for some kind of activity like playing music or going on, for instance, a run with a friend. When was the last time I went anywhere, or did anything by myself? He occassionaly bathes the boys or changes a diaper. Oh and never puts them to bed. And if the 2 1/2 won't do what he wants he says "I don't have time for this," so I have to intervene. I honestly feel like I have four kids and to be honest, my husband has tantrums that equal the 2 1/2 year olds. Oh, and my son also has my husbands potty mouth and is even combining swear words.

But my gripe this morning...why is it that I'm the one who always has to be up at 5 am with the boys and he always, always, always gets to sleep in, but I never do. Oh and I'm still breastfeeding and cosleeping, which I think our baby needs because he's still catching up, but why can't my husband help in the morning. Is there some decree that he doesn't have to participate between the hours of 9 pm and 7 am? So then, when he does get up, he leisurely has his coffee, shaves, showers, puts together a lunch (after hinting at me to do it for him) and then when I ask for him to just hold the baby, he says, "Oh, I can't, I'm going to be late, I have to leave." Then get out of bed in the morning so you can participate!

men are not programmed to be productive with children.  or housework.  or anything NOT involving things they WANT to do.

think about it:  males are looked at to be rough and tough people, playing outside in the dirt for hours and hours, playing sports, working on cars, ect.  while females growing up have baby dolls, play kicthens, ect. 

i beleives males can do the same as females and vice versa.  its the 'training' that dtermines that.  spoil a boy and he will expect it for life.  give him a baby doll at age 2 and he learns the sensitive side of life and maybe how to be nurturing.  give a girl a baseball bat and she will most likely be athletic.

of course, they determine their own likes and dislikes.  we just try to steer them in a variety of directions and let them choose.  but i feel that how a child is brought up reflects how he/she will be when they 'grow up'.  my fiance, he was spoiled by single mom and by grandma.  he did what he wanted and how he wanted it.  he saw mom doing it all on her own and i guess now expects that women must be able to do it there own.  mis that in with grandma spoiling him.  he's much more of a free spirit than i will ever be,

Ok, I'm old school and believe in taking care of "the man". This means, I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. BUT when it comes to our daughter, I do expect him to help out. After all, I didnt make her by myself, nor is she just my responsibility. Growing up, I did everything for my youngest brother. Let me just say he would eat & not even pick his plate off the table, so u can just imagine. But my little brother now has a 1 1/2 yr old & helps take care of her & will even wash dishes now, so his wife can care for the baby!

I would suggest having a serious discussion w/ your husband & explaining (in male terms) how u feel. With that said, I strongly believe u can catch more flies w/ honey than u can vinegar, so although many times u may feel like yelling "Its not fair you lazy *&%^$!" or, like in my case, hitting him upside the head w/ the pan ur cooking in when he's asking if you've seen his belt, the best thing to do is try to keep calm & at times, treat them like 2 yr olds. I know I do a lot of "You want to be a good dad & watch her while I cook dinner?" (Even though I'm thinking 'y should i have to ask u to do me the favor of watching ur own daughter while I cook u dinner!? Does that even make sense!' Or, I add humor to it by saying things like "You touched her last" when he tells me she needs her diaper changed. And yes, it works! He'll actually change the diaper!

And no, its not always that easy. I once had to say "Okay, Part Time dad. Dont worry about it, I'll do ....... Just let me know when ur ready to stop being a sperm doner & start being a REAL dad" He got the message real quick.

Good reply April. I agree with your post. 

I think if we let them, men won't take as active a part, so speak up for sure.

I will say that I find the swearing thing to be completely unacceptable - in my opinion this has to stop.  Not good.

Good luck hon!