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| i am with my son's dad but i really don't feel he cares about me. i feel like he's with me because he doesn't want a broken family like he had when he was a child. this was a happy surprise to find out we were pregnant but we are young and both still in school so times are rough. i stopped going to school full time to get a job and i go part time. he goes full time and works a waiter job a few nights a week. anyway, two days a week he stays home with the baby and in the past we have fought, i have cried, i have yelled, i have asked nicely, i have even begged to clean up after his mess. i never leave dishes in the sink, bottles everywhere, cherrios mashed everywhere, i mean it will take me at least an hour to clean it up. but it never ceases to fail, i walk in the door and theres the mess. i just get so upset but lately our relationship has been so bad i don't say anything because it will only lead to a huge fight and us almost breaking up and me being so emotionally upset and distraught i can't even think straight. he used to text me all day sayin he loved me, he used to come and kiss me all the time, i used to know he loved me. now, i really don't feel anything. i am sad and scared i am loosing him. i care for him so much, but i don't know what to do. being super mom and super girl friend is really taking it's toal on me. plus when we fight he says really hurtful things like he can't stand me, he doesn't love me, things like this. what do i do? |
| Posted by Erin on 02/17/2009 04:30 PM
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Was your pregnancy planned? The reason I ask is because mine wasnt. It was a "surprise" & I strongly believe that has a lot to do w/ it. You begin to feel stuck feeling like now you HAVE TO be w/ this person for life, not to break up a home, as you say. I know I went from being this "young" (Im only 2 yrs older than u) happy party girl to all of a sudden being pregnant & playing the role of wifey from one day to another. They say you dont know someone until you live w/ them and I TOTALLY agree. Marriage is hard & so is having a baby. Now when you have to do both all of a sudden, it can be over whelming for both parties involved. I believe you should do everything & anything in your power to keep your family together (granted, as long as your not putting up w/ any kind of abuse-physical or emotional).
Having a baby is very difficult. Neither you nor your man come first anymore, so maybe that can be a problem for him. All the time & energy u gave to your man before, is now being given to the baby. I just saw the movie "FIREPROOF" & highly recommend you see it. Its about this married couple on the verge of divorce. It will help you see things from a male's perspective as well as let you see that although we wine & complain about our men 24/7, we too can be little witches sometimes. I know I found myself laughing saying "what a witch! But that is SOOO something I would have done, too!" many times through the movie. Now I realize how it looks from a third parties perspective. Hang in there. |
| posted by April on 02/17/2009 06:11 PM
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| april thanks for the words of encouragement, and no my prenancy was NOT planned at all. I do was a wild party girl only worrying about going out to the bars and then one missed period lead to the happiest thing in my life. So i don't resent anything. But I think you are right, if we didn't have to worry about money or findin day care or worrying about raising a baby things wouldbe totally easy. But, we do make a great family and there are times when everything seems right, not perfect cause that's damn near impossible, but right. And thats really what pulls me through everything else. Are you married? Are you planning on being married? Getting married is always something I wanted. And being married to my boyfriend is what I want, but sometimes I wonder if it will ever happen. Sometimes I wonder if he even wants that. All I know is I wonder too much and I am so stressed out I am a wonder away from a break down. I have lost all my friends due to getting pregnant and not being party girl anymore. So it's really nice to talk to someone who is on the same page as me. |
| posted by Erin on 02/18/2009 04:05 PM
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No, we are not married. As a matter of fact, we just recently got back together. I left my daughter's dad when I was 8 months pregnant. He was a total jerk when I was pregnant. I too agree my daughter is the best thing that could have ever happened to me, but when I was pregnant I felt handicaped. You know, he'd go out w/ his friends while I was "stuck" at home, cookin n cleaning. He could be the biggest jerk & live his life like normal, while I couldnt even smoke a cigarrette when stressed or upset anymore. He would have never gone out w/ out me if I wasnt pregnant. He would have been to worried about who I was w/ or where I was at. But, being pregnant, he knew (or thought) I'd always be at home, waiting for him. It was real rough & after having my baby, it didnt get any easier. I no longer had the drama of a bad relationship, but here I was, first time mom w/ no one around to help. No one to even say "can u hold her real quick while I......" I didnt loose my friends, but while they were telling me how their weekend in Vegas went, I was telling them how Wal-Mart had diapers on sale this week! LOL
Luckily my daughter's dad COMPLETELY changed for the better when my daughter was born, but by then I was so angry & resentful towards him, I didnt want anything to do w/ him. I think relationships are a bit of a tug of war game. If you see him pulling away, do ur best to pull him in closer. I'm glad my daughter's dad was persistant in getting me back bcuz now we r a family again. It's still not easy as we both have to get used to living together again & now having a baby, but at the end of the day, we're here, we're healthy & that's all that should matter. Dont be afraid to put your pride aside to make ur family work. WHen I finally did things all seemed to fall in to place. |
| posted by April on 02/18/2009 04:23 PM
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