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| I have not been through this exact situation, but I did experience an all out screaming match between my boyfriend and his family vs. my mom a day after I gave birth, all in my room. I pondered what to do, who do you side with. Anyway sorry, I am rambling, first let me tell you how strong you are. What you did was so brave and so respectful, for you and your daughter. She is lucky to have a mother that will show her the right way to be treated by men. And I am sure what you are feeling is completely normal. I grew up in a divorced home, like so many, and now that I am older my mom has let me in on some secrets. Like for the first few years after the divorce, she would want to punch my dad in the face, or throw something at him, or kick him in the goodies, every time she saw him but she said it eventually wore off. It's all the pain hes caused you, the broken promises, the broken heart, the love you thought he had for you and still not changing to be a man for you. This is all normal I am sure and I wouldn't want to be around him either. But I do hope you stay strong and I do believe congratulations is in order..... cheers lisa |
| posted by Erin on 02/12/2009 08:40 PM
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| Lisa, congrats on your decision. It seems like from what you've said, it will be a positive change in you and your daughters' lives. Maybe my experience can help you. My older son James, who is 6, sees his father but I have not seen his father in over 5 years. The way I work this out is that I am close with my ex's mother & family. So I work out a weekend to bring James to visit that whole side of the family who live in Philadelphia, and when I do, I drop James off at his grandmothers' house. This allows him to see the whole family, without me seeing my ex. We've been doing this since james was almost a year old and it's worked out great for all involved. Do you have a relationship with your ex's family? If so, try this out. If not, perhaps you can arrange a drop off or meeting at a public place where there is not likely to be an argument or a scene. And Erin is right, your animosity towards him will wear off in time, it's still really fresh so of course it is difficult. Keep us updated! |
| posted by Katie on 02/12/2009 09:37 PM
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Lisa, I have been in a very similar situation. I'm not going to sugar coat it for you, it is hard, but if u think about it, so is being w/ someone who treats u like crap & doesnt help provide. I am now back w/ my daughter's dad & let me tell u he is a COMPLETELY different person. I honestly believe, though, if I hadn't left him, he would have never changed. You have a daughter & u dont want ur daughter growing up thinking its ok for men to treat her that way. As far as thinking back to all the bad things he did to help you get "over" him, I would strongly suggest u dont. I did that & it just caused me to have this great resentment & anger for my daughter's dad & #1 Regardless of what u have to deal w/ them & #2, Who wants to be full of anger? I'm sure u want to be happy, so I say just let it go. If & when u begin to miss him or feel sad just think this feeling is normal & wont last forever. TRUST ME, it will get a whole lot better. Love yourself and your daughter first. U said ur ex literally threw money at u. My baby's dad did that to me when I was pregnant & I left the $ on the floor. Told him "Listen to me you *&%^&$^, if I wanted money thrown at me by men, I'd become a stripper u &*%^#$&. Let that be the first & last time u ever disrespect me like that. I dont need ur F&*^%n money. I lived my life well before I met u & I'm not going to starve to death w/ out u!" Needless to say, he never did it again. Everyone's entitled to their emotions, but we're not entitled to act on them any way we please. I dont care how mad they are, there is no excuse for them to be that disrespectful. I once told him if I acted on impulse to my emotions, I would have hit him w/ a bat across the head a long time ago, but that's why we're human and have the capacity to think about things and the consequences. U know when we were dating my man would spend his last penny on me if need be. All of a sudden he wasn't going to be one of them baby's dad's who gave cash to his baby's mom so she could run off & spend the $ on herself. WTF ever, right? So I told him "Fine, I dont need cold hard cash. I will give you a list of all she needs & u can go to the store & buy it urself. Save me the trouble of having to go myself" Now he gives me half his check w/ no problem.
So, CONGRATULATIONS! you have ur self respect back & whether u get back w/ him (like I did) or not, this step will make things better for you. |
| posted by April on 02/13/2009 01:29 PM
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