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| Need to Vent Group |
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| Yesturday I was really upset about a ton of things. I'm pregnant so I think all this is bothering me more now then it was before I was pregnant. I started school about two months ago. I see my husband and stepson for like 45 mins before I have to go to school. When I come home my husband goes to work (3rd shirt) and the kids are in bed. I come home and I feel so lonely. I'm not social at all. I have major problems on trying to make new friends. I don't know how to talk to people. I've never had really any friends. My friends were my sisters friends. Now I live in another state and I'm a stay at home mom. So, I have zero friends and I just don't know how to get someone to be my friend. I talked to my mom about it and she told me to go up to a person and just ask them. I am EXTREMELY TO shy to do that. Plus it sounds like something my stepson would do at a playground. My communication skills are very very very bad. I have a hard time even talking to my husband. I don't know what to do. It's driving me nuts now. I'm sick of shopping with my mother in-law I can't stand her anymore. So, now I go alone and it isn't fun at all. I went out last weekend and I just wanted to cry. During the week I mostly talk to my daughter that is almost two. And nobody else really. Everybody knows how it feels to be pregnant. Theres a time when nothing fits and you feel fat and ugly. Well I'm at that point now. I just want a friend to go out and do things with on weekends or something. My husband isn't the shopper so it's me and me only. I just feel like I don't have a life. My life are my kids. Right now it's just my daughter thats my life and I sit at home everyday. I get so bored. I love staying home with my daughter and I LOVE HER to death I just need a friend that is not in my house. It's hard to describe. I am so happy to be pregnant but I hate when I feel so ugly and fat. Everybody says it's time to be sexy and shine. I'm so far from that. The other problem I am having is I have fibromyalga. I'm in a shit load of pain. I can't take really anything because i'm pregnant. It's so hard to get through the day with my pain levels. I just feel like I'm struggling everyday and putting on a fake smile to make everyone think I'm happy. I'm misaerable because of my pain and I'm stuck at home because I have no friends. Theres a girl in my class that I'd love to be friends with but I just don't know how to ask her to sit next to me nor what to talk about. I'm terrifed to hear someone tell me no thanks. That would hurt me. So give me ideas if anyone has any. |
| Posted by Kris on 02/05/2009 01:18 PM
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| hi i am the same way.i dont make many friends.im real shy too.since i have moved to missouri i dont have friends or go anywhere.im a full time mom.i dont work .my husband works fulltime and over time so i dont see him much.all i have is the kids to keep me company.and they arnt much company.if i want a grownup conversation i call my mom or my husbands mom.but its just not the same as haveing a friend to talk to about everything.so i know where ur comming from.hey if ur in missouri we can be friends.even if we aint we can be friends on here and talk.drop me a line and let me know what u think. |
| posted by angie on 02/05/2009 02:00 PM
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| I know how you feel too. I am also shy. I have gone to meetup.com and found some other groups around town for moms and that has helped alot. I also enjoy being able to talk with someone online, like this group. I am in Washington state. I dont know where you live, but I am avaible to chat online. I hope this helps. |
| posted by Annie on 02/05/2009 02:50 PM
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I'm in California, where r u? I know your mom is only trying to help, but seriously, if someone came up to me & asked me "want to be friends" in person, I think I'd be a little freaked out. Tracie mentioned Meetup.com. I've never used this but I've seen numerous women on this website recomend it. Obviously you would want to be friends w/ someone w/ ur interests, so why not join a "club" of class that does something u like? The park by my house offers Pinata making classes, Cake decorating classes, etc. If you find a class like this of something u like to do, u will meet people w/ the same interest.
As far as the girl in ur class, what is it about her that caught your attention & made her seem like a good potential friend? Was it her style? Then maybe you can compliment her on it. You know "I love ur shoes, where did u get them?" or something like that. That can lead to her to tell you where and how she loves to bargain hunt or how she hates it & would rather pay full price than spend half a day looking for shoes & maybe u guys can get together to go shopping one day. I dont know how old you are, but I'm assuming she's around ur age. If your young u can talk about how you sooo could go for a drink after your final, but being pregnant w/ a hubby and child at home doesnt allow it and maybe she can realate and you can get together for decaf coffee.
Just remember, friendships are made everyday. It's not the end of the world if one person you thought was interesting turns out to not want to hang out. That doesnt mean something's wrong w/ you. You just never know what may be going on in their lives at the time |
| posted by April on 02/05/2009 03:25 PM
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| Thanks girls. I'm glad I'm not the ONLY one. I was thinking it's me. I don't like to meet people over the internet. No offense to anyone but I would have years ago if the world isn't the way it is now. My husband hates meeting people off the internet because you never really know who it is. Which I feel the same way. I went to beauty school hoping to meet new people. But I just can't talk to people. The girl I mentioned she was similuar to me. As in complaining about how husbands are with our kids. We laughed over it. We both are from Maryland so that was somewhat of a relief. She told me she doesn't no anybody out here other then her brother and sister in-law. She wants to meet new people. I am young but I dunno how old she is. I think she's somewhere around her 20's. Most the people in my class are really loud or quiet. Most the quiet people have friends. I'm just like alrighty then. Then a new group of girls started and I was like humm she reminds me of myself and my sister alot. We find the loud people to be annoying but we keep it low. haha. We used to sit together but this ignorant aferican american came and told her to move on the other side because she was taking her seat. So now we are nowhere close to each other. Theres a empty seat next to me but she yet come back over. I'll feel so stupid to ask her to come back to our table. lol. It makes me look so despert. lmao. |
| posted by Kris on 02/05/2009 04:06 PM
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I know what you mean about the internet. I think most of us feel like that to a certain extent. But then again, you dont have to invite anyone on here over to your house. You can always meet at the mall of something. IDK, I figure wierdos are everywhere regardless of whether you meet them on-line, over the phone or in person.
Ha... well, I would have fit in w/ the loud ones. ha ha ha... I dont think my friends & I are annoying (although I'm sure many would disagree .. hee hee hee) but we are loud. But so what? Nothing like not being afraid to be yourself. You want to laugh out loud really loud, do it. You want to sing at the Kareokee bar even if your voice is as bad as mine, while one of your friends boo's you off the stage while laughing, so what? I think you're too worried about what people think about you. Maybe u can learn to laugh at yourself. I would totally not have a problem telling that girl "Hey, why dont u come sit in this empty seat next to me? Girl, I need someone to talk to!" and if when it came out of my mouth it sounded desperate, I'd totally have no problem saying "look at me all desperate to have someone to chit chat w/ .. ha ha ha" If she says she doesnt feel comfortable because she was kicked out of that are by that lady, I would say something like "Exactly! I need someone over here who is not so ghetto!"
IDK, I've never had a problem talking to complete strangers, but I've ALWAYS been a chatter box. I could be next to you at the bus stop and complain about how hot the sun is or how long the bus is taking or whatever. Granted, if your body chemistry isnt showing you dont want to be talked to. Ask yourself what's the worst that could happen? So someone tells you they cant hang out? Big wow, you werent hanging w/ them anyway. So someone gives you a wierd look like ur "Desperate" soooooo what!? Think that they're doing u a favor. you wouldnt want to waist your time w/ someone that snotty anyway. |
| posted by April on 02/05/2009 08:06 PM
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| lmao. I wish I was able to be that way. I would never beable to do that. I do care alot about what people think. I don't like when people say stuff about me. I have really low self esteem I'd say. My husband has told me several times I do. My husand wants me to dance or something in front of him (strip dance) Yeah right. I'm worried I'll do it wrong. lol. Or he'll make fun of the way I dance. I have a damaged knee and it's hard for me to do ALOT of things noraml people can do. If I have to bend over or kneal at school I put more weight on my right so I look like a cripple. That is hard for me. But I can't help it. I was in a car accident and have alot of scars from my belt and the windshield. Most of it is gone but I still have a hard time with it. I hate scars and my stomach is covered in them. I want to think I look the best I can for husband and for other people to be jealous but I just can't seem to be that way. I just have alot of problems with certain things. Monday my class starts something new so alot of the girls will be leaving. I am hoping there is alot of seats at my table and she'll come over and sit. lmao. I'll play it safe. lmao. I just can't get myself to be more outgoing. I'd die if i sung outloud in a bar. lmao. |
| posted by Kris on 02/06/2009 08:08 AM
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I'm going to tell u a little story. It was originally told to me in spanish in Mexico, so it may loose something in the translation but I'm sure you'll get the moral of the story:
There was a man his boy & his donkey walking back home from the fields after working. The man decided to put his son on the donkey to spare him the long walk home. As they walked thru town, pple said "Oh my, look at that selfish son. Ridding the donkey while his poor father walks. After all he's young and strong & his father is old & tired" After hearing this, the dad took the son off the donkey and got on it himself. As they continued thru town pple said "Oh my, look at that selfish man. Riddin the donkey while his poor son walks. You'd think he'd consider his son before himself. After all, any good parent would do that" The dad now put his son in front of him on the donkey. As they continued thru town, pple said "Oh my, look at that poor donkey. They are abusing him w/ all that weight. why doesnt 1 of them walk?" Now confused & not knowing what to do, the man did the only thing left. He & his son both got off the donkey & continued thru town. As they did, pple said "Look at those two stupid guys. Walking when they could be ridding the donkey"
Moral of the story: People are ALWAYS going to talk shit. You will NEVER please everyone.
So my suggestion to you is dont worry so much about what others say or think about u. |
| posted by April on 02/06/2009 05:59 PM
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| humm. interesting story. I know people always talk. My friends growing up really weren't my friends and it took me a while to figure out they were lieing to my face for years. And thats the reason I have such a hard time making friends. I have a problem trusting people. Well I'm alot older now. But I'm sure theres still people that do this. |
| posted by Kris on 02/07/2009 05:41 PM
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| Okay, so I was thinking "Hmm, how did I get my group of lunch buddies?" and realized there is one girl I go with who had coupons to Quiznos once and forward me a copy. When I was going to use them I told her "Uh, I'm going to Quiznos to use the coupon u sent me" she asked if I minded if she went along and I said no. I dont remember too much in detail, but I think the second time I told her I was hitting up Quiznos again and we went again. There's another set of girls I go to lunch w/ & if I remember correctly, I believe when I was pregnant I had a craving for Mexican food. I asked one of them if they knew where I could get some good Mexican food. She told me they were actually going to a place during lunch that day & Invited me along. After that, she'd IM me saying "What r u craving today?" and I'd tell her or say I'd brought lunch. Other times I'd IM her saying, "I didnt bring lunch today. r u guys going out" and then we'd go somewhere, unless I didnt like what they were having, then I would have just passed and gone my own way. Do you guys take a lunch break at school? If so, try getting some coupons to a nearby place or saying "I hear ____ has a lunch special" or since ur pregnant saying "Mmm, I had a sudden craving for ____.. Do you know where I can get some good ____ around here?" |
| posted by April on 02/09/2009 08:35 PM
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| Yeah we get like a 10 min. break for "dinner" time. Which I eat before I go so I'm not sick. I'll try it and see if it'll work. We started a new course and of course somehow our table is full of people once again. She always comes in late which makes it hard for me to talk to her. lol. Thanks |
| posted by Kris on 02/10/2009 08:37 AM
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