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| First Time Moms |
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Hello,
I was hurt in a freak accident 4.5 years ago. I have since had disabiling chronic pain. I thought I was doing ok until I got pregnant. The pain started getting worse. Now my child is a year old and I can barely take care of him somedays. My condition gets worse at times and it is a stress on my marriage as well. My husband has done a lot to help but he is having a hard time having to do so much all the time.
Now my son has had to go to daycare for a little bit while I recuperate. I have always wanted to be a SAHM and housewife. Now I am finding that hard to do.
Does anyone have any suggestions about parenting or being married with children and having a chronic medical problem? I'll will consider any advice.
Thank you |
| Posted by Dawn on 06/22/2007 08:58 PM
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| I myself helf health issues. I am also a stay at home mom and I battle with seizures. I blackout and forget everything. I once when I was a teenager got lost while driving. It is a hard thing to deal with I just take it a day at a time. If I ever start to feel funy like I am going to have a seizuere there is usually someone I can call. Mabe there might be someone you can call on. I am so sorry for what you are going thru, and hope everything works out for you. |
| posted by Natasha on 06/22/2007 09:35 PM
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Hi Dawn,
It's strange that I thought about reaching out as well because I too am on disability leave due to a massive stroke I had on 2002. The deficits I have are weakness on my left side and brain damage. My biggest challenge is coping with fatigue. When I reach this stage, I pretty much "zone out" and can't even communicate or comprehend. This really makes me nervous being alone with my son. I don't really know how to go about dealing with this.
I do get help from family and my husband helps out around the house, but it gets very trying for them. I'm typically too weak to do anything else around the house because I barely have enough stamina to take care of my son. My husband gets frustrated with me because he has to work all day and has to do housework as well. I feel like I have disrupted everyone around me and can't stop feeling ashamed.
In addition, I also had chronic pelvic pain from Endometriosis which was under control until I had my baby. The disease returned immediately, and I can't be on any treatment, so I'll have to live with the pain.
When I'm motivated, I try to meditate for 15-30 minutes a day. It is not easy to do, but it does help coping with stress and negative thoughts. Unfortunately, when I start to feel good, I stop meditating and feelings of stress and negative thoughts return.
It would be good to talk to other moms that can relate. |
| posted by kathy on 06/22/2007 09:39 PM
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Thank you for the support. Kathy- it seems our situations are very similar. I am also so physically taxed by taking care of my son that I am not able to do much around the house. It seems daunting somedays to realize I am the only one to take care of the baby. My friends and family are burned out due to helping me so much. I feel so guilty that I am the one who has caused all this stress and unhappiness. My husband and I were together for 8 years before the baby. I felt we had a fabulous marriage. Now, my husband is stressed all the time from having to help me and the baby. He has turned into a whole different person.
Meditation does help me, too. As you know it is hard to find time to meditate with a child. My body is so weak that a lot of times I start out meditating and end up asleep.
Thanks |
| posted by Dawn on 06/23/2007 08:23 AM
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Hi,
I can't imagine the pain you are feeling, but give yourself some credit. It seems you are taking too much in at one time. It is a lot to just be a mom, and try to raise your child with your morals, then on top of that you have to deal with pain you can even control, plus a marriage with some strain. The first suggestion I have for you is except change. Life is unpredictable. You didn't know that you were going to have an accident, but it happened and it changed your life drastically. Having a child changes you, and your change effects those closest to you. Being a SAHM is awesome, but at the same time, please consider thinking of yourself too. If your baby has to stay at day care one day, for a couple of hours out the week, let it be so. Give yourself some time to heal and rest so you can be best at being a mom and a wife. Once you have some time to yourself, then the stress will begin to lessen. Also remember, before there was baby, your husband was there. If he was always your sole support, after the accident, and after you had the baby, is he receiving the attention and appreciation he once was? You can't please everyone all the time. You seem like a very strong woman, mother, and wife. I wish you all the support. |
| posted by Kendall on 06/27/2007 11:35 PM
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Dawn,
I am the child of a mother who has been mostly diasable my whole life. She was born with congenital hip displasyia (no hip sockets.) She had 3 kids, and was a SAHM. When i was 6 months old she was in the hospital for yet anther hip replacement surgery. This went on for all of my childhood. My father worked full-time, and they did the best that they could with the help of family and friends. Her saving grace was a "nanny" that came to the house a few days a week and looked after us kids while mom re-cooperated. Have you looked into that? My advice would be to just do that best that you can. I turned out ok, and so did my two brothers. I wish you the best! |
| posted by Amanda on 06/28/2007 11:26 AM
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| Amanda-thanks for letting me know of your experience. I get worried that my son is going to miss out on so much because I am not well physically. It is good to hear that you turned out happy. My husband and I have put our son in daycare for now until this recent flare-up gets better. We are definitely looking for someone to come into our home to help with our baby. This way I can still be a SAHM and spend all the time I want to with him- but the physical part of the equation will be taken care of. Thanks. |
| posted by Dawn on 06/28/2007 04:42 PM
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| I too suffer from chronic pain and terrible fatigue that has left me very depressed. i have an 8 month old little girl. i called a service up and through insurance and some not with insurance i got some help at home. a few days a week someone was with me from 9 to 5 helping with the house and the baby. when my hubby did not want to pay for anything anymore and left me to do it all by myself, i did it, but still today, i cry a lot and sleep whenever she sleeps. i got her used to playing on the floor and stuff because i am unable to hold her, she is too heavy. and i take a lot of pain killers to help me. you are not alone with your suffering, just no that and sometimes that alone will help. just love your child to death, laugh and kiss them a lot and that is all you can do. if daycare if what you have to do to get relief, dont feel guilty about it. you and many other moms do it for relief too. as for marriage, i cant help with that because mine is having trouble dealing with the fact that i get tired fast and i am in pain a lot too. |
| posted by MARYANNE on 07/03/2007 08:34 PM
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Maryanne-
The fatigue is definitely a big problem with me, too. And it is good to know someone else understands. The other mothers I know don't seem to be able to relate and they don't understand that sometimes I just hurt too much to leave the house for a playgroup or girl's night out.
Sometimes I just can't a pain reliever because I don't want to fall asleep while my son is awake.
I had gotten him used to sitting on my lap or on the couch and playing. He is a year now and wants to crawl and try to walk everywhere. It is just so much harder than I thought it would be. I didn't realize how much of an impact the baby would be on my pain levels- and I didn't think my husband was going to end up having to take care of both of us. We are trying to find a way to hire full time in-home help with the baby and the light housekeeping. We are able to have a housekeeper come twice a month. That is so helpful!
Thanks for sharing your story. |
| posted by Dawn on 07/07/2007 12:15 PM
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Hi dawn,
Just wanted to check back in with you and see how things were going. Hope all is well with you and your son. |
| posted by Amanda on 07/09/2007 06:44 PM
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Amanda,
Thanks. I really appreciate it. It starts to feel lonely sometimes. I am hoping to get some relief with physical therapy. Your previous post really made me feel a little better.
Namaste |
| posted by Dawn on 07/09/2007 08:59 PM
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