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| Need to Vent Group |
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my fiance's grandfather, who he is very close to, has cancer and 3 months to live. he lives out of state. my fiance wants himself, me, ad the 2 kids to go up there in march.
i watch my nephew mon-fri 7am to 7pm. my parents are takig care of him due to bad choices my sister has made. they cannot aford daycare so they pay me a small sum of money to mind him throughout the day. when i told my mother about possibly going to PA, and i said i wouldnt mind bringing kevin (who is 2 like my youngest) she said that it would be hard for me to do with the 2 toddlers (like it isnt hard now). his mother said she didnt want him going out of state.
so what do i do? i only saw his grandfather twice in the 4yrs we have been together and my 2yr old last saw him when she was 4months old. i understand the situation but am not sure how it would work out. i cant let my parents down there is no one else to watch my nephew.
my fiance is mad and says that "cause my sister is a deadbeat she is dictating whether or not i go with him to PA". |
| Posted by ERIN on 02/02/2009 10:28 PM
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| You need to stand by your husband. If you offered to take the nephew with you, and they refused, then that is the best you can do. Your loyalty is to your husband and your children. He needs you to go with him. It doesn't matter how much you have or haven't seen the grandfather. Maybe his mom could watch him during the day while you're gone. Or maybe you have a friend that could use a few extra bucks to watch him while you are away |
| posted by Kelly on 02/02/2009 10:59 PM
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| my nephews mom goes to school during the day, and being she is taking her friend to school she wont give it up for a week or so to watch her son. there is no one to watch him all day cause everyone works. |
| posted by ERIN on 02/02/2009 11:54 PM
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Well, thats really not your problem. Its nice of you to watch him for your parents and your sister, but your husband needs you and that obligation should count more then your babysitting job. They will find a way to work it out. Someone is dying! Your kids will never have another chance to make memories with that person. There will never be more holidays or phone calls. You wont have another chance to have a picture of your kids with their great-grandfather.
Everyone can miss one day of work and take turns watching him! |
| posted by Kelly on 02/03/2009 01:03 AM
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| I have to agree with Kelly. Your first loyalty is with your fiance now and your parents should understand that. After all, you did offer to take your nephew with you. At least you are trying to problem solve. Death is an extreme situation. I had just made definite plans with my sister to take the kids - her daughter and mine - to see our grandmother this summer when my sister and niece are out of school because she is getting older and I wanted her to meet my 16 month old daughter. It was especially important for me because my daughter is a red-head - my boyfriend and I both have dark hair - and my grandmother was the only one who had red-hair in the family so I wanted her to meet her red-headed great granddaughter and I wanted a picture for my daughter with her red-headed great grandmother. Well, she died on New Year's Eve and I never got the chance. It kills me to this day. I will never get that back. Trust me in 5 years no one will remember that you couldn't watch your nephew for a week but your husband will always regret you and your kids not being there. I understand it's a hard decision. Good luck in whatever you decide. I'll say a prayer for you. |
| posted by Christina on 02/03/2009 09:01 AM
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| thank you. my father understands but its my mother who is being, excuse the language, a bitch. i thik she is agry that my sister has neglected her son so everyoe's lives are put on hold cause me and my parents are taking over. |
| posted by ERIN on 02/03/2009 09:08 AM
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I agree with the other responses as well. It is much more important for your fiance and your children to see their great grandfather. Is it a legal arrangement for your parents to keep your nephew, or are they just doing that to help your sister out? If it is not a legal arrangement, and she is the one who said she doesnt want him leaving the state, then I would tell her to take care of her own damn son, and find her own babysitter, if she needs to go to school! It is NOT your obligation. And you said they are only paying you a small fee to watch him...that shouldnt put your life on hold. I would say either you take him with you, or tell them its not your responsibility to decide where he goes while you're gone. You are basically just doing them a favor to keep him during the day, b/c Im sure they arent paying you what you would make at a real job..so, they should be thankful for you keeping him, and they need to make other arrangements while you're gone.
Im sure if it was your mother who was dying and you told her, "I cant come b/c we're watching my husbands nephew and his mother doesnt want him to come with us to see you" she would feel like you were wrong for not coming. Maybe you could put it to her that way. |
| posted by Amy on 02/03/2009 09:40 AM
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ERIN,
I would go to it is where your needed at the moment and this is the last chance for cheerished memories.
As far as your mom just remember she is mad at your sister as her child is on her shoulder right now. she is just taken it out on you.. she will get ove it. its not your problem. dont feel guilty and dont let her make you feel this way.
michelle |
| posted by michelle on 02/03/2009 10:26 AM
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| I agree with Kelly. You need to put ur husband & the family u formed w/ him first. I think u were more than generous in offering to take ur nephew w/ u. If his mom doesnt want u to, fine, then she can either take care of him herself or find a baby sitter for him. I'm sure if she talked to her professors & explained the situation, they'd understand. As far as giving her friend a ride to school, well her son needs to come before any friend. Her friend can either borrow the car, find her own ride or take public transportation. I know you feel bad, but the fact is your nephew is not your responsibility. |
| posted by April on 02/03/2009 03:56 PM
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