|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
|
|
|
| First Time Moms |
| Public online group |
|
|
| |
|
|
| I consider myself normal , my parents and family are in my country I am here only with my husband and my baby. So I decided to learn by myself all the tips I need to raise my baby , I read a lot books and magazines about parenthood or try websites abouth the same topic. But then my husband said I am so concerned about the baby that I am not the same .. I feel depress and we are loosing intimate and I think is because of me I am always tired and we fight for that problem , what should I do ?? I need help .. |
| Posted by Valeri on 06/21/2007 09:56 PM
|
|
|
|
| |
|
|
I can definitely relate. I was so obsessed on becoming a perfect mom that I read so many books, magazines, and parenting websites. I knew when the baby is born, I was going to be ready, and everything was going to work out just as I planned. Well, in reality, I was completely wrong! Things never go as you plan, and you have absolutely no control! Everything was a complete disaster. I started to wonder what I was doing wrong and felt like a terrible mother.
After crying for several weeks, I realized I had postpartum depression (PPD). After several therapies and I finally concluded that, all the feedbacks are opinions and there were so many contradictions among these "experts". My husband said to STOP reading these books, magazines, and websites because it was driving me crazy. He said if there is a book specifically designed for our baby then he would read it. What I learned is follow your own instinct, and it is always right.
|
| posted by kathy on 06/21/2007 10:24 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| All the research is great but the best thing you can do for your baby is love your husband. If you get that right, you'll set your baby up for a great childhood AND future. Take it easy on yourself, spice up your life and be a good wife. Check out some couples groups at a local church and read Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. If you mess up the intimacy with your spouse you lose focus of the greater picture of having kids in the first place! Lay off the perfection mode and just be loving, it should take care of the depression! Hope that helps! |
| posted by Candice on 06/21/2007 10:25 PM
|
|
|
|
|
| I do not think you are extreme. You want to be educated, however follow your instincts. Your husband is probably right in some aspect, you have changed, you are a mommy now! Do you have "mommy time" or time to yourself? Perhaps you could go for a walk or take a bubble bath. It's hard to give yourself entirely to someone else if you never have any time alone. Is your baby on a regular sleep schedule? Maybe you could plan a movie night and order in after your baby goes to sleep, or the two of you could play a game together. Good luck, I know the feeling of being tired and not wanting to be intimate. |
| posted by Amanda on 06/21/2007 11:34 PM
|
|
|
|
|
Valeri,
If possible, I wonder if it would be helpful for you to talk to a professional to help you manage your feelings and validate what you are going through. I had a difficult time at first being a new mom-not knowing too much and second guessing myself. My husband also said I was different and more serious. The fact is we are all different after giving birth and being moms. I find reading too many books etc gets me more confused and agree go with your gut. We are not always going to be right but we will always learn. My husband and I were not intimate for a while either. I think it takes time and allow yourself the time you need to adjust to everything. Eventually everything should mesh together. I wonder if you can participate in something just for you to help you feel less overwhelmed. My thing is yoga I find it really balances me out. Best of luck to you. |
| posted by Lori on 06/22/2007 10:03 AM
|
|
|
|
|
| Thank you so much for your answers , I am very happy I am not alone on this , your experiences are so valued for me and I promise I will follow your recommendations .. thank you again and I am pretty sure I will try to do my best , follow my heart as you said and try better with my husband that is the most important .. thank you .. |
| posted by Valeri on 06/22/2007 03:13 PM
|
|
|
|
| |
| |
|
|
|
| |  |
| |
|
|
|
