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| First Time Moms |
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| my son is 9 mo. old and all he likes to do its whine and cry. it's really taking a toll on me and my husband. the olny thing that comforts him is a bottle or us holding him ( which my husband is hell bent on doing thinking it will spoil him) i just don't know what to do my son's never happy, my husbands not happy. does anyone have any suggestions? |
| Posted by Andrea on 01/30/2009 07:24 AM
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Hi Andrea,
I would first like to ask how much is he eating? How is he sleeping? Do you have him in any play groups to get the energy out and interact with other kids. A lot of times hunger can be a big factor along with not getting enough rest. I would talk to his Dr. about what is going and ask for suggestions they are pretty used to these questions. Your husband is right to an extent about holding him all the time but I would still make sure there is some cuddle time. Also remember the more upset and unhappy your husband and you get the more upset your son will get they do feed off our emotions so if your having a really difficult time try and go in another for a minute or two and calm down. Good luck annd sorry your going through this. Private message me if you would like. |
| posted by Jennifer on 01/30/2009 09:10 AM
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| Has he always been this way or just recently? Could he be teething? My almost 8 month old is teething and she is like this a lot lately ( I give her baby Tylenol). Is he getting enough sleep? Try to get him to take at least two naps (easier said then done sometimes). I would ask the doctor too maybe he is having stomach aches or maybe needs more food. I know my baby is suddenly hungry a lot more since she is getting very active so I have been trying to get her to eat more solids, she is a very picky eater only likes applesauce, bananas and squash. Good luck. |
| posted by Suzanne on 01/30/2009 09:16 AM
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| HOLD HIM or FEED HIM if that's what it takes. I completely disagree with your husband -You can not spoil a baby. If he's distressed and wants comfort, and the only way to comfort him is through touch and love, then that's what it takes. I know hearing your baby cry can be stressfull, so do what it takes to comfort. Good Luck! |
| posted by on 01/30/2009 11:35 AM
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| Just thought of another possibility, maybe he is going through seperation anxiety. I kind of suspect my baby is just beginning to experience this. Not sure what you do. I sort of have a "cry-it-out" philosophy. Not that I let her scream and scream but a little whining and crying I don't think you should immediately pick them up. I don't know if you can "spoil" a 9 month old but they can definitely manipulate you at this point, they're no dummies. |
| posted by Suzanne on 01/30/2009 12:45 PM
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| Did you check with your Dr. Sometimes they have really good suggestions. He might have an ear infection or he might just want some love. Babies do really get clingy to their mommies, especially if you are with him 24/7. If there is other people around you or you leave the room and he cries, it is definetely separation anxienty. If not, then try to sit him in the pack and play, give him lots of toys, try to distract him, while you are sitting next to him, then little by little to separate from him, while you are in the same room. This might take you a few days, just work slowly, don;t do it abruptly. Soon he will get used to being in the same room with you without you holding him and stop crying. Just have patient, you will need it. And I agree with the other mommies and even a DR. can tell you that a baby younger than 1 yr old is never spoil, they always cry because they are either hungry, sleepy, wet, sick or want some warm loving. |
| posted by veronica on 01/30/2009 01:19 PM
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nice post Veronica, good advice. :)
I hope no-one is offended by this opinion, but I'm really really really anti CIO, and I urge all Mom's to avoid this method. Your baby is not trying at all to manipulate you - your baby wants love from Mama.
Go to www.askdrsears.com for more info on fussy babies and soothing them using attachment parenting...I love that website, and Dr. Sears is one of the most respected and admired pediatricians in America. |
| posted by on 01/30/2009 02:08 PM
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| thanks everyone he is teething and he doesn't sleep well either i have a md appt next wed I'll ask her for some advice also |
| posted by Andrea on 01/30/2009 02:13 PM
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| If it is teething, you could try this Camilia stuff (it is a homeopathic remedy and doesn't have the serious side effects of Tylenol). If not, I would definitely try the CIO method. My son was sleeping like an angel after about a week of letting him soothe himself to sleep (he has never been much of a whaler but a whiner YES!). I know moms who prefer not to use the CIO method and all of them still are having trouble getting their two year olds to sleep through the night. My son sleeps 12 hours every night and still takes a two hour nap in the middle of the day at 2. Good luck! |
| posted by Heather on 02/01/2009 07:06 PM
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Mommies keep in mind that Tylenol only cause side effects if it is taken like continuously for a months. If it is taken once in a while it is ok. Best thing for soothing teething is give your baby plastic toys, cold teething rings. I wouldn;t give him any type of remedies (homeopatic or tylenol) unless he can;t sleep and it is really irritated, fuzzy. Babies need to coupe with the teething effects, because he/she will having this for almost 12 months until all teeth comes out. I only give my baby motrim or tylenol when she is really fuzzy and I see her she can bare the pain, otherwise I give her plastic spoons or plastic toys (the ones in target for the bathtub like sea animals are great because they are soft) She has almost all her teeths and only have given her tylenol twice. She is 19 months and right now her canines are coming out, she is chewing finger food and plastic spoon, and she has learned to satisfy her teething itchiness.
My baby sleeps also 12 hours and naps once a day, she has a rutine for sleeping which works. Babies like rutines, and only cry if they really has a reason. They whine if they don;t. I don;t agree with the CIO method, so I guess I don't fall in the category of the mommies having problem to get their babies to sleep as Heather mentioned. I think rutine is good for them. Now, every mommy has a way to raise their child, you have to find which one works for you. Again you just need to have patience, it takes time to find what works with your child, especially us first time moms. |
| posted by veronica on 02/01/2009 11:40 PM
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My son sounds like he has a similiar routine to Veronica's daughter. I also do not agree one bit with the CIO method, and I am also a Mommy who has NO problem getting my son to sleep, contrary to what Heather mentioned.
Hold, rock, love love love until that little one sleeps. Enjoy this special time. |
| posted by on 02/02/2009 10:45 AM
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There could be lots of reason why your son is crying during the day, and a lot of good advice has been given. Different things work for different babies in each situation. In regards to the CIO method for getting a child to sleep, I am not for or against it. I feel that you should do what you need to for your baby and for yourself. I see absolutly no problem with a parent who needs to use the CIO method to get their child to sleep through the night. I have found, through my experience, that if you rock a child to sleep every night, that is what they come to expect and what they need. It is best (and you can find this on tons of sights, hear it from doctors, including sears, ect) to work with your child to help them soothe themselves to sleep. It is not good for them to be rocked to sleep every night because then they do not learn to put themselves to sleep. Imagine trying to rock a 5 year old to sleep because that's what you did when they were little. At some point, you have to let them learn to fall asleep on their own, and it is better to do it when they are little, in a crib, than when they are older in a toddler bed where they can get out. With my son, I used a little of different methods. I would wait until he was tired, but not over tired. Then I would cuddle him for a minute, put him in his crib and sit by it for a minute or two and talk softely to him. Then I would leave the room. Sometimes he would cry. When he did that, I would wait 3-4 minutes, then go back in, NEVER pick him up(unless there was some reason other than he was crying, such as he had spit up, was coughing, needed a diaper change), talk to him a moment, and soothe him, then leave again. If he cried again, I would wait twice as long and then go back in and do it again. It was important to not pick him up because then he would think that I was going to be holding him.
I think there can definitly be a compromise between the CIO method and the hold them till they fall asleep method. In the end though, you have to do what you can live with and what works for your baby. I can understand wanting to rock them, and I did the same with my son when he was little, but I started the method of letting him go to sleep on his own when he was about 4 months old. I did not want him to be one of those babies that had to be rocked in order to be able to go to sleep.
It is also important for a baby to be able to self-soothe because if they wake up in the middle of the night, they need to be able to go back to sleep, and unless you want to be getting up 20 times a night to rock them back to sleep then they need to be able to go to sleep on their own.
I know this gets off topic from what was orginally posted, but I thought I would post in response to what some people said about being totally again the cry it out. It can work and it is not cruel to use it. There is a complete difference between letting a child learn to sleep on their own and letting a child scream when they need comfort. Using the CIO method does not make a person a bad mother. To say it does would be like someone saying that using a bottle make a person a bad mom, versus nursing them. Those are two different ways to feed your child, but either is fine. Not nursing does not make a person a bad mom, and neither does using the CIO method for teaching a child to sleep on their own. |
| posted by Casey on 02/02/2009 05:17 PM
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| Sorry I ever mentioned the CIO method, touchy subject I guess. |
| posted by Suzanne on 02/02/2009 05:51 PM
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Nobody has said in this post that moms that used CIO method are bad mothers. Moms that don;t agree to use it are only saying what has work for them to help their babies to fall sleep. All of us has different methods and I am sure to all of us 1st time moms had to work for a while until we found one that works. I did try the CIO like for a day, I coudn;t stand it, so it didn;t work for me. For me works bathtime, a little bit of playing, reading and sleep (all in that order). I give her a kiss good night, We go over the same bedtime books, and she is so ready that does not cry or anything to sleep.
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| posted by veronica on 02/02/2009 07:39 PM
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| Okay..I'm new at this whole baby lingo, and I'm not trying to sound dumb but I am trying to educated myself. Can someone please tell me what they mean by the CIO method? I have no idea what that stands for. Thank you. |
| posted by Heather on 02/02/2009 07:56 PM
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| "Cry it out" method, you can read all about it here www.babycenter.com/0_baby-sleep-training-cry-it-out-methods_1497112.bc |
| posted by veronica on 02/02/2009 08:00 PM
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| Ohhhhh.....lol. Guess I should have figured that one out huh? Thank you for telling me. I was always taught, the only stupid question is the one you don't ask. Thanks again. :) |
| posted by Heather on 02/02/2009 08:09 PM
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| I just wanted to clarify in my post that I was not saying anyone here had said that anyone was a bad mom. Some people had said that they were anti-CIO method and comments such as that. To me, and this is just my opinion, but that does not sound like someone saying that the CIO method did not work for them but something else did. It sounds more like they are against anyone using that method. If a person is against the method and against anyone using it, then it would follow that they think that a person who does use it is doing something wrong. That's just how it appeared to me and that's where my thoughts came from. All of these comments are just based on opinions and experience. |
| posted by Casey on 02/02/2009 08:31 PM
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I think we should put this issue to rest, I hate when topics start to get heated and that is not the point of the forums. The point is to give your opinion, your experience and pass along what you have read.
The bottom line here is "each mom has a way to put their babies to sleep, whether is CIO, rocking, reading, bathing, etc, the thing is to find what works for each mom. Whatever method you try, it takes time to apply it and that requires lots of patient." The important thing is that we all love our babies and do what we think is best for them.
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| posted by veronica on 02/02/2009 08:56 PM
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Ok, so I was never for the CIO method but read a few articles (in magazines) where it was the only thing that worked for that mother in particular. I personally, feel that the CIO method wouldnt work for ME. Nothing to do w/ my daughter, but to hear her cry and cry and cry would either #1 Break my heart until I could not take it anymore & make me feel awful and/or #2 Annoy the ish out of me.
But I do have this "problem" w/ my daughter. She wants us to stand whenever we carry her. If you so much as think about sitting down, I swear she senses it and will start to cry and fuss. So far we've laughed about it but now that I went back to work and come home w/ tired feet it may become a problem soon. I dont mind holding her, but can I sit while I carry you? I dont believe she can be manipulative at this young of an age (she's 5 months) but I know she knows "if I cry, they'll stand up w/ me." Any suggestions on how to get her to be okay w/ mommy sitting with her while carrying her?
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| posted by April on 02/03/2009 04:18 PM
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time....that is really the only way to do it. Stop giving in and walking with her all the time and she will learn to adjust. It may take some time, and you may just have to deal with her fissing some, but she will learn that she is not going to be carried all the time. Not giving in and carrying her everywhere to keep her from crying does not mean that you are depriving her of anything. In fact, it would be good for her. Children need to learn that they do not get everything they want all the time. If you find that her fussing because you are nto carying her is really getting on your nerves, make sure she is in a safe place, such as in a pack'n'play with some toys and leave the room.
That is my suggestion.
I do have a question for some of the posters on here though. It seems that several people made comments about not wanting to use CIO and disagreeing with it completely, but the post itself sounds like maybe the child is being put down to cry during the day (not at naps, but just during the day in general). I may be misunderstanding, but thought I would carify that CIO is a method used to teach a child to learn to put themselves to sleep. It is my opinion that if you are putting a child down to sleep and using CIO and they just cry and cry and cry and never go to sleep then there is something else going on. Either they are not tired, they are hunger, wet, ect, but there is something preventing them from sleeping. CIO doesn't work for some people, but I think it is more the parents that can't do it, rather than the children. By that, I don't mean there is anything wrong with the parents, but that the parents don't want to have to listen to their child cry for several minute. On the other hand, some parents are able to deal with allowing their child to cry for 10-15 minutes in order to teach them to go to sleep on their own. Personally, I could not let my son go 10-15 minutes while crying, but I would let him go 5 minutes before checking on him, and then I would not pick him up, but would pat his back for a minute and make sure there was nothing else wrong. It only took us 2-3 days of this before he started falling asleep on his own without crying at all. If you are able, I highly recommend using this method (i think it is ferber) to teach your child to go to sleep on their own. It is very important for a child to learn to self soothe and it does not take that long to teach them with this method. Granted, I did not start this until my son was about 5 months old. Before that, we would use the swing, bouncy seat, bassinett with the vibration, ect. Really, anything we could to get him to sleep so we could sleep.
It can be hard to find something that works for you and your child, but the important thing about most methods is that you try them for at least a week or two. None of the methods are going to work the first night and they are not miracle methods. They take some time and some experimentation with what works for you. |
| posted by Casey on 02/03/2009 04:55 PM
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| Hi I am new to this group, But I have a 8 mo. old little girl, and she is starting the seperation anxioty thing, and what me and my hubsand do, is a little whininy and fussing when we first leave a room, but if we giver her a little bit of time, she forgets about it and starts playing with something, For a while she was doing the same thing all day long, and it just took a little bit of effort from mostly me, cause i stay at home with her, to let her play on the ground with me there, and then over play times just kinda scoot away, so now she knows that if i leave i will be back. I dont know if your baby is going through the anxioty stage, but even if she wakes up in the middle of the night * verey seldom now* well go in and give her a little hug and binky and she will go back to sleep no problem, she just needs to know were coming back. But the whinning got worse, if we just held her all day long. so ya ! |
| posted by Ameliasmomma on 02/03/2009 05:34 PM
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And Btw Casey, I agree with you on that. We dont really let her cry for more than 5-10 min. and then a lot of times it would just take a little comforting and maybe a binky and she would be a sleep. she started sleepin' through the night pretty early,and every so often when teething she will wake up in the middle of the night, and i let her fuss around for about 5 - 10 min then one of us will give her binky or rubb her back a little bit.
Also sorry about the double post of the same thing. my comp freaked out on me :) |
| posted by Ameliasmomma on 02/03/2009 05:38 PM
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