Playgroup friends leaving my son out - View Question

Playgroup friends leaving my son out

My son is being left out when playing with his friends in a play-group we've been a part of for 3 years. We mostly meet up with my two friends and their girls, who have been my son's closest friends to date. Now that they're getting older, the girls, being typical girls, have started leaving him out of playing, and can be quite mean about it. Individually, they play nicely, but three becomes a crowd quickly. Additionally, there seems to be a shortage of three year old boys in the area we live.

Here is my dilemma. Obviously, I need to find my son some new friends, and he will be starting pre-school in the fall, where I hope he'll meet plenty. But in the meantime, I am unsure how to address the issue of my friends' daughters excluding MT without alienating them. After all, I need friends too. I have broached the subject with them, and they laugh it off and tell me that boys can brush it off, and they do nothing to address it with their girls.

I realize they're only three. I guess my real issue is more with that my son's feelings are getting a little bit hurt (part of me thinks he doesn't care), but more so, that mine are being hurt by my friends' reactions. How do I handle their lack of concern for how their kids are treating mine?

See also: being left out, friends, moms groups, meeting new people

Written by MKMama

Posted on 05/21/2009

See all posts by MKMama

Answers:

Hi! My daughter is only 18 months old so I haven't really come across this issue yet. I can only imagine how I will feel if and when a situation like that does arise. It would be hard for me not to want to solve the problem for my daughter. Aside from finding a fourth mom and child to join the group I am not sure what else to do. It probably would annoy me about the reaction of my friends and that they did not encourage their children to play more with my child. Being a teacher I know that it is not good for children if their parents jump in and solve every little problem for them. I see how that can alienate them from other kids. I hope that I am able to know when I should step in and help and when I should let them solve things on their own. I don't know i this was at all helpful. Good luck and I hope everything works out ok.

posted by Nicole on 05/22/2009

I would just tell your son that you will play with him maybe the girls will want to play too or try to include him in the 'game' with the girls yourself. If he is fine with playing by himself just leave him be.There really isn't much you can do other than find new friends for you and your son. I would be hurt at the way the mothers are reacting to their children leaving your son out but they don't really know how it feels since their child is not the one being left out. Still as a parent I know how it feels to be the one left out and i would def. say something to my son if he was leaving someone out. They should talk to the girls about it esp. if they are being mean when they leave him out of things.Not to say the girls HAVE to include him but maybe talking to them about how it feels to be left out the girls will understand how he feels and include him or be nice about not wanting to play with him? I hope I helped a little :-)

posted by Jessica on 05/22/2009

Thanks for the help! It is nice to get feedback.
I went to a play-date the next day and told my friends how I was feeling and they were more understanding. My son actually did a great job telling the girls to wait for him and having them play with him. And after awhile, they were all playing together nicely. I also brought games they all could play together, which helped. It wasn't perfect, but it worked out. I am also starting to realize it is more my issue than my son's, and that he'll probably work it out better if I don't step in.
I think he'll be great once pre-school starts in the fall.

posted by MKMama on 06/03/2009

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