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Angry Child

I am new to this site.  I am struggling with my 8 year old son.  He and I argue every day from the simplest thing of getting dressed for school in the morning to brushing his teeth.  You never know what is going to set him off and when the switch flips, look out.  He will become very violent - I mean hitting, kicking, pushing, punching, etc., throwing things at me and verbal.  He has been like this for some time.  The earliest age I recall is about 16 months of age.  At that point he was able to walk and would 'hunt me down' when I would correct him.  By the time he was 22 months of age he had broken my nose and would hit me whenever he would become upset with me.  When he was about 3 I had asked for some help and was referred to a behaviorist and the had instructed me to restrain him when ever he 'snapped'.  I can assure you that didn't last long because instead of calming him down, it just made it worse.  Through the years he has gotten stronger, more aggressive and controling and now verbally threatens me with violence.  I told him we need counciling and that his behavior is not improving.  His response to me is 'You can take me there but you can't force me to talk.'  I have gotten to the point ot where I feel like I'm walking on eggshells just to avoid setting him off 'cause you never really know what it's gonna be.  The strangest part about this whole thing is is that he only directs it at me - not at school, not when he visits friends, family, just me.  I need help and don't know what to do.

See also: angry kid, child aggression, aggressive child
Written by Carissa
Posted on 05/06/2009
See all posts by Carissa
 
Answers:
Im so sorry you are going through this. I dont have any experience, but I sympathize. When you said that he only directs it at you, (and it sounds like you're a single parent) I wonder if maybe he blames you for not being with his father, or if his father is absent, he blames you for that. I would definitely suggest trying to get him into some kind of therapy or counseling. He's right, you may not be able to get him to talk, but I would be diligent about getting him there, and hopefully the therapist will be able to get him to open up and find out why he acts this way. They should have a lot of different techniques to get through to patients. I would make sure it is a child psychologist or other professional who deals w/ children.
Good luck and God bless.
posted by Amy on 05/07/2009
It sound like you and your son have a very unhealthy relationship and he seems to think he is the man of the house or something. Dont give him any other option other than to know that you are the one that runs it and makes the decisions and that you will not tolerate disrespect. Carissa you have to take control of this situation before he gets older.
posted by Brandy on 05/07/2009
has he been checked for bi-polar? I guess that would involve getting him to the therapist. So go ahead and teke him, eventually SOMETHINGS going to come out! The therapist is trained to read between the lines, so even if he doesnt talk much, they will probably figure it out.
posted by valarie on 05/09/2009
  
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