Need help with husband - View Question

Need help with husband

I am a wife and mother of two.I have been married for 3 years. Our oldest is 28 months and youngest is 14 months. I know we started it early but love our kids...my problem is with my husband. I dont know what to do! I feel like Im alone in the marriage anymore! I've tried talking to him..he just sits there...doesnt say anything back. The biggest problem is the fact I cant get him to spend any time with me when we have the time...mostly on weekends. The only time he does is if I complain about it or suggest him taking me out. Then he does...but we go out for a couple hours and when we get home he goes into basement and watches movies or plays video games till all hours of the night...he can never spend a whole night with me anymore!

And another thing is we now are taking care of my 14 year old sister...well she has problems (shes not retarded or anythhing) but he is so worried about trying to help her and fix her problems he cant focus on me and fixing ours. It's been an on going thing with us for a while. I just feel that he doesnt care anymore and I'm the only one making the effort. His only point is that "i took you out last night" and I should be satisifed with that..and to him thats making an effort...

Am i over reacting? Or am I right and what can I do? I dont know anymore.

See also: marriage, family, life

Written by Jessica

Posted on 11/09/2008

See all posts by Jessica

Answers:

Have you suggested counciling? It may be a good thing with takin care of your sister and the kids being so young. There is a lot on you plates right now and maybe he nneds someone to talk to but doesn't feel comfortable talking with you cause he thinks you may get offended by his feelings.

posted by Jaiden's Mommy on 11/09/2008

i started seeing a counselor. Ive suggested him too..but he wont go.

posted by Jessica on 11/09/2008

I hate to say this, but if he is not interested in seeing a councelor for the sake of you and the kids....hes probably checked out. Keep encouraging him to attend. You may need to make a very hard decision for the sake of you and the kids!
Good luck to you!

posted by valarie on 11/09/2008

I have been married for 26 yrs and if it is at all possible get your sister out of your house. Some of the worse times we had were when other people was staying with us.
Some of the little things you can do is leave little love notes in places where he can find them. If he enjoys watching movies and playing games try joining him. Snuggle and talk about the movie and games. You can also try flirting with him like you did when you dated.
If you take a good look your sister is probably interacting with him about his games and movies, thus creating common ground.

posted by Roxanne on 11/09/2008

Men are not the best communicators when times are great. When times are bad you can hang it up. First of all they tend to take the issues as a personal attack when it most cases it’s not. You have to pick the best time to try to talk to your husband…when he’s going to be most receptive. They say for me it’s after a good meal or intimacy. It’s when they are most relaxed. Wait until then and try to approach the subject of discussion as though it’s a problem that you’ve both contributed to and consult him rather than accuse him. I know that we should have to go through hoops just to have a conversation. But in a lot of cases, it’s simply how it is.

posted by Edith on 11/09/2008

Even if he won't go with you to the therapist, you should continue to go. Ask for suggestions from your therapist. Also, my dad and mom can't communicate at all, but they have found that when they write each other letters, sometimes they can say things that they wouldn't have been able to verbalize. Write him a letter saying how you feel, and why you feel, and explaining how much you love him, and then ask him to read it and provide him with the pen and paper to respond. Maybe he will.

posted by Abigail on 11/12/2008

How old are you two? Sounds to me lke he is young and may not have grown up yet. Especially because he wants to play video games more then he wants to interact with his children. This may not be something you have control over. He may just need to grow up. I would say be patient but dont let it get you down. Do the best you can do and if you arent happy and dont see yourself being happy in the future then move on. We are all here to support you. I know you posted a while ago so hopefully things are better by now. Much luck to you,

posted by Joy on 02/05/2009

Hi Jessica

GET RID OF THE GAMES AND THE ENTERTAINMENT AREA. HE IS LOCKED IN WITH SATAN HIMSELF. YOU WILL NEVER HIS ATTENTION AND SUPPORT WITH THE GAMES AND ENTERTAINMENT IS HIS LIFE.

YOU WILL SEE A DIFFERENCE. GUARANTEED

posted by Carina on 02/09/2009

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