How to handle advice as new mother - View Question

How to handle advice as new mother

I'm a new mother to a wonderful 4 month old boy, my husband and I are thrilled. And we are blessed with two immediate families who lend us support. However, sometimes, as thankful as we are, advice can get repetitive and can cross the line of boundaries. I already feel a bit left out sometimes as the quieter, less aggressive one. How do I respond tactfully to these questions? I know our son's habits by now, and even if I misread his signs sometimes, so what. It's a learning process every moment of every day and I like the surprise of learning his needs and personality. I've always found it hard to respond to quick questions and criticisms and by the time I have an answer they have already walked away. I welcome advice but not all the time when it's forced upon me. Feeling defensive gets tiring. Energy is key in raising our baby. I hope I don't sound whiny, but yes, I still need some time to get used to new routines and this life in my hands. I wish I could share my emotional feelings with family, since that is what I need help with, but they are more concerned with the objective side of things. I want to get over these negative feelings so I will want to spend more time with family.

See also: Family, Babies, Advice, Health, Coping

Written by Eileen

Posted on 06/07/2008

See all posts by Eileen

Answers:

I had let my family know that when I wanted advice I will ask for it, other then that they were to keep their mouths shut. (This was mostly for my sister) We have different ways of parenting and as I respect her ways she needed to respect mine. I politely let her know this and we have not had any problems.

posted by sillymom on 06/09/2008

Thank you. This helps.

posted by Eileen on 06/09/2008

I'm a young single mom, and I can honestly say dealing with the advice, or criticism in some situations, was sometimes harder than dealing with my colicky newborn. I finally had to learn to speak up and defend myself, but I used sarcasm and humor to try to ease the situation. My daughter would cry and cry and cry for absolutely no reason for hours. Many people assumed I was a complete idiot, so I sarcastically played into that. and the first thing out of anyone's mouth was always "when was the last time you changed her diaper?" and "have you not nursed her?" and I quickly learned the comments that shut my critics up the fastest, a humorous "Oh I haven't changed her diaper since yesterday, am I supposed to do that daily?" add a laugh and they won't even know what hit them.

posted by April on 06/13/2008

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