| i NEED HELP |
 OMg my daughter is 15 months and from the looks of her you would think she was the sweetest baby girl in the world!!! But i beg to differ. She hits, screams, throws toys, dosent listen to anything i say.... I dont know what to do. Everyday is a struggle. If she wants something she screams if were in public she screams this scratchy waily scream to get out the stroller. if i put her down to walk with me like other kids her age do she runs the opposite direction. And throws a tantrum when i turn her aroun dor pick her up. She wakes up in the middle of the night wailing!!! I dont know what to do. Is this normal? People say that the 2's are terrible but DAMN I dont think im going to be able to handle the 2's. The ones are bad enough. Again is this normal?? What can i do to make her a happier baby? and not so mean? |
| See also: tantrums |
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Hi Katishia,
my daughter is the same way but this book has helped me a lot I've justed implementing it and it works. "Indigo Children" you will find it on amazon or any other book store. Our kids our very special kids and they deserve the best. That book will show you how and more.
Louise |
| posted by Louise on 02/23/2008 |
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| I just notice an error I made "justed" I meant to write that I just started implementing the techniques from the book and they work. |
| posted by Louise on 02/23/2008 |
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also there is a book the strong willed child I will try to find the author I can not find it but it was a great book when I needed it.. Also, you can start now telling her how you feel.. even though she is not two yet she understands more than you think,... My children are two and 5 and I use this... It makes mommy very sad when you........ talk about feelings, Tell her hitting and screaming is not acceptable and because she is not talking alot yet her ways to communicate what she wants in thru her tantroms, find out what is bothering her maybe in the middle of the night she is teething or she is too hot or cold maybe something is bothering her try to comfort her and alot of time when my children were going through rough patches often it was teething or they were uncomfortable and something was bothering them... I would say if they were in the stroller mommy will hold you but now this is what we need to do and give them a snack or a book or offer something, try to avoid alot of negatives like NO or STOP IT try to stay positive and you will et through it I promise,, I have two strong willed children 2 and 5 that try my patience every day.... I also use alot of re-direction... that works pretty good with my children... If you want her to go in the stroller her communicate with her and tell her what you are doing , ok have a ride so we can go look at this.. try to stay positive and talk to her alot and communicate what you are doing it should help. I know it is weird but it works, I teach part-time mommy and me and they are 18 months to 36 months and establishing a routine with her is great as well. In my class my little ones thrive on structure and routine.. Getting enought sleep and good naps and going to bed not over-tired helps their moods and helps them sleep better..... Well I hope that helps a little .. talk soon and good Luck!!!
heidi |
| posted by heidi on 02/28/2008 |
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Dear Katishia (beautiful name),
Hi. I agree with both ladies. You have a strong willed child on your hands. Think of her stubborn, self-assuredness as a great blessing. It's GREAT that she's strong. Be happy for her. That's a good quality in a woman. She is a challenge to parent, for certain, but she will be a confident, successful adult with your help.
Indigo children and/or crystal children. If you don't know anything about them, you might want to do some research. It's a new age theory that sets Indigo personalities as a trail-blazer for those who come later (crystal... more accepting).
Also, "The Happiest Toddler on the Block" by Dr. Gary Chapman... a great book (easy to read) with several simple examples on how to relate to your child... at all stages. One example in the book stated that a mommy threw a tantrum right along side her son, and once he saw her, he never did it again... probably because he realized how ridiculous it looked... but only when he stepped outside himself to see someone else doing it. So, maybe instead of throwing a tantrum yourself, you could point out other children who throw tantrums when she is being good... and praise her for her good behavior instead. This is the general philosophy of this book.
Communication is the key to everything. Talk to her as an adult who can understand you because (chances are) she can. Give her count down warnings for everything - like, mama and (insert her name here) are going to go for a drive soon so you'll have to get in your car seat in 3 minutes... 2 minutes... 1 minute... 30 seconds... etc. This helps her prepare herself mentally for what is about to happen. That way it's not so difficult to accept "this is about to happen to me." Truly, would you want to be restrained to your seat like that?
Also, empowerment is important for strong children. Encourage her strength by saying things like - Would you like to color with the pink crayon or the red crayon. Keep choices limited to two (or three). If she says, "No! I want the green crayon!" Calmly let her know that she has a choice between pink and red (never mentioning the green as an option). Make sense? So, you are giving her power to choose... within YOUR parameters (which is the key).
Routine and structure are great solutions to behavior "problems," too. The more structure you give her, the more she knows what to expect, and the less she'll "go ballistic" on you. If she needs to "run" at the mall... take 15 minutes out of your shopping trip to go to the mall playground and let her run. But, make sure you give her that count down when it comes time to leave (You have 2 minutes left to play... 1 minute... 30 seconds... etc.). Don't just cut her off, or you'll get that siren scream that embarrasses you both.
If she embarrasses you in public, tell her... and point out to her that people are staring at her and how she's behaving. She'll eventually realize that her behavior causes people to notice... and not in a good way. Obviously you don't want to embarrass her, but if she's embarrassing herself, you should let her know!
Sleep is a whole other issue I could talk about for days. I'm a huge believer in the "comfort them" theory. Night terrors are becoming much more common with our highly sensitive children who "see things" or might be reliving past life experiences (if you believe in that sort of thing). Either way, I feel you should always help a child to feel that they are safe in their own bed/home. If you don't want her to always climb in bed with you, be prepared to get your butt up and go comfort her. She deserves it. Nobody wants to feel fear alone... least of all a child. But that's a matter of opinion.
Experts say let them cry it out and they will eventually get over it... learn to comfort themselves. That's probably true. Still, my mommy instincts say comfort a child who is fearful. For my daughter (2-3/4), also a strong-willed child, she went through a stage recently where she begged me not to leave her (her daddy is in Iraq). Naturally, I want to comfort her. So, I tell her I would never leave her, and I let her know that I'm going to be sleeping in my room, and that she can come to me if she needs to. So far, it seems to be working. Once in a while, she comes in, but most nights, she stays in her own bed.
My short novel response is nearly complete. I wish you the best. You have a wonderful child - I'm sure of it. Get yourself into as much of a routine as you can manage... redirect to stave off tantrums... praise her for good behavior as often as you can remember to... and educate yourself (Indigo/Crystal children... Happiest Toddler... other books/books on tape). Asking other parents is a great start, but now it's up to you to find out more about how to help your child(ren) grow up healthier (mentally). And please don't let anyone tell you she's ADHD or bipolar... unless it's a doctor who's tested her blood! Unless either runs in her blood family, she's not! Her behavior is her way of communicating... she's trying to tell you something. It's your job to help her figure out what that something is.
Hang in there, mom. You're doing just fine!!! (Scream into a pillow every so often. It might help your sanity level!)
Best of luck, Jamie |
| posted by Jamie on 02/28/2008 |
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Hi Katishia, Jamie gave a great detailed response. Try not to let her tantrums and strong will get you frustrated, but as earlier indicated look at it as a positive, her is a child who is most likely going to be a leader, not easily influenced into wrong etc. My son is almost 18 months and a little strong willed at times, but he's also the sweetest kid in the world. You sometimes just need to let them show you what they prefer to do and as long as it is not dangerous often succumb to their will. Definitely talk to them, ask them what do you want to do? Why are you upset? Even if not at the stage to answer you in words they understand and showing that you are willing to listen and act on their wishes helps them calm down faster. Don't let their actions trigger an emotional response in you, that keeps it from becoming a game or a deliberate means of manipulation on their part. If you jut calmly wait it out sometimes block out the focus on the "embarrassment" they turn back normal faster.
Good Luck!!! Don't tantrums spoil some of the greatest times you'll get to spend with your daughter. |
| posted by Afihtan on 03/01/2008 |
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| Hi, my daughter does the same thing!! She is 16 mths old. I recently read that if you just ignore their behavior it will decrease. They do it for attention so when we get mad at them for doing it, they won, that is exactly what they want. I understand its hard to walk away because my daughter bangs her head on the wall when she gets upset, but its something we have to do so they can see that doing that is not getting them their way. |
| posted by Erika on 05/23/2009 |
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| Hi, my daughter does the same thing!! She is 16 mths old. I recently read that if you just ignore their behavior it will decrease. They do it for attention so when we get mad at them for doing it, they won, that is exactly what they want. I understand its hard to walk away because my daughter bangs her head on the wall when she gets upset, but its something we have to do so they can see that doing that is not getting them their way. |
| posted by Erika on 05/23/2009 |
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| um i dont think its hard to walk away.lol my daughter is 27 months and ever since she was like 10 months i swear she is the DRAMA queen! i lvoe her but she gets the best of my nerves. lol i walk away and let her wail. now i put her in her bed and tell her she can stay in there until shes done screaming. and when we're in pulbic i tell her she needs to be happy or we're leaving. if she doesnt quit, we leave. i have left carts full of graicerys before. (sorry walmart employees..) if she is throwing a fit she doesnt get to stay. it has gotten somuhc better since i started this like a year ago. good luck! |
| posted by Devon on 05/26/2009 |
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