Dealing with the "Terrible 2's" - View Question

Dealing with the "Terrible 2's"

I am looking for advice on dealing with those "terrible 2's."

I am a mother of a 20 month old beautiful little girl. She is starting to have these temper tantrums that can last up to an hour long. It includes blood curtiling screaming, and crying, and banging arms and legs on the floor.

I have tried time-out recently and it did seem to work, but I waited till 40 minutes into the tantrum to try it. At that point I was very exsasperated and on the verge of tears. I hatefeeling like a bad mother. I feel like I have no patience during those episodes.

Are there any other tools that I could try? I refuse to give into the tantrums because I know it will be bad thing. Please feel free to helpme out.

Sincerely,

Eiliza

See also: terrible 2's, tantrums

Written by Eiliza

Posted on 07/26/2007

See all posts by Eiliza

Answers:

My son is 31 month old and I feel your pain!! Fortunately, time outs have worked for him...Although, I try to do it before he gets too out of hand. Another thing that's been helpful is giving him "quiet time" in his room. Sometimes all he needs is to have some time alone to wind down (and I can have a break as well!). He's also not getting the attention that he might be seeking with a tantrum in the first place.
Many times, however, the tantrums can be a sign that he's just overtired or hungry...in which case we have a snack, read books and have nap time...
Hope this helps a little!! Good luck!!
And P.S.- You are NOT a bad mother!!! We are just experiencing those wonderful mommy moments!!! Have you ever noticed how their moods get so much better once daddy comes home? I'm sure my husband just thinks I'm making up all of these stories about our bad days...

posted by on 07/26/2007

My son is only 8 months so I haven't experienced this personally. However, my sister's daughter thre tantrums with the best of them. As soon as she started my sister would say "You're behavior is unacceptable," and just walk away from her and ignore them. She eventually learned that she wasn't going to get her way and they became a lot shorter and less frequent.

posted by Jenni on 07/27/2007

You are not a bad mother. We all lose patience at one time or another.

It can help if you try to notice what happened right before the tantrum, so you know why it's happening and how to help. Toddlers have trouble handling and expressing their emotions, which is often the cause of a tantrum. If you see her looking like she is about to throw a tantrum, try to talk to her. She doesn't have the words to describe how she is feeling, so give them to her. Say "I know you must be angry because it is time to leave the playground." Tell her it's ok to be angry, but that it's not ok to behave that way. Give her a suggestion for something that is acceptable for expressing her anger, like stamping her feet. Then distract her with the next fun thing you are doing.

It is important that you validate her feelings, put them into words for her, and give her an acceptable way to express them. It may not work perfectly the first time, but as she learns how to verbalize her feelings it will get easier. It will also help to give her warnings a few minutes before a transition, and to let her make choices whenever possible. This will make her feel independent and will make it easier when she doesn't have a choice.

posted by Marcia on 07/27/2007

I would like to thank Kathy, Jenni, and Marcia for your comments and advice on dealing with the terrible 2's. Your advice was very helpful and it was nice being reminded that I'm not a bad mother. It is also helpful to know that other mothers go through these moments with their children. Thanks again, very appreicated.
Sincerely, Eiliza

posted by Eiliza on 07/27/2007

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