| Intrinsic Motivation |
| The thought occurs to me that I've heard more than one parent say something like, "It doesn't do any good to tell them. They don't care and won't do it anyway."
But how are they supposed to learn it if we don't tell them? When my BFF's nephew wouldn't change his shirt after his mother told him to (she's learning, but she needs a little help every once in a while), my BFF piped up and explained to him that he was disrespecting his mother. He said he didn't really care. I said that as her son he should be the one most interested in seeing that people treat his mother with the respect that she deserves instead of being the disrespectful one. After a comment that no one wants to be around him anyway, and our reassurances that we do like to be around him, he sat and thought for a while. Then went and changed his shirt. I don't know if he apologized to his mom, but he did go find her directly after he changed so he was letting her know he was obeying her.
When I grew up, my parents didn't parent me a whole lot (?). They loved me and made sure I was safe and healthy and educated and relatively happy. But I don't remember a lot of behavior correction once I hit the middle of elementary school. But I wasn't a major problem either.
When I became a parent, and my (behavior-problem) 2yo was acting like a complete jerk in public, my BFF would say, "I wouldn't let him treat me like that if I were you." I'm glad she did, because I learned a lot about setting limits. "Oh," I thought. "Maybe I shouldn't let him act that way."
If she hadn't given me the heads up, and I hadn't responded by correcting his behavior and instructing him in appropriate behavior, Josh might be a totally different (and awful) young man than he is today.
Speaking of Josh and intrinsic motivation: he never had any as a teen, or self-discipline. He dropped out at 16 and got permission from the public schools to test for his GED (which he got on the first try without any brushing up - I guess he was telling us the truth when he said they weren't teaching him anything he didn't already know!). He kind of worked, kind of went back to school, kind of messed that up big time, and was at loose ends for a while. But after his first marriage broke up within the first year, he decided he needed to go to college, and he felt the most responsible way he could do that was to join the National Guard and earn his college money rather than taking out a bunch of loans that would be hard to pay back.
Basic training will teach you intrinsic motivation: because sometimes you hate the drill seargent, and sometimes you hate your unit-mates, but by gosh, you have to get through this and so you have to pull out something from within you to keep going.
Josh just got married to a lovely young lady. They are due to have my first grandson in October. And they are looking at houses to buy.
When he was 16, playing video games all the time, spending money left and right with his friends, refusing to do schoolwork (and suggesting his teachers weren't as bright as he was) - we just couldn't see military, wife, and owning his own home in the near future. But that was only 6 years ago, he turns 22 today!
So I look at him and have some hope for my two younger ones. They are smart cookies - hopefully, they'll get to intrinsic motivation before they reach a crisis moment.
I remembered when I reached that time of intrinsic motivation - I was seven months pregnant with Daniel and looking for a job because my husband's job paid diddly-squat. I was used to finding a job, if I wanted one, within a day or two, because I come across really well in interviews. But after two weeks of daily trips to apply and interview for clerical jobs, I was really discouraged. I stopped at the KFC near my home for some lunch, and saw a job application. I had no restaurant experience - but so what, I'd apply anyway. The manager called me in for an interview and hired me on the spot. I said, "Well, I am seven months pregnant." And his response was. "That's ok. We have maternity uniforms!"
As I got ready for my first day working there I told myself, "This is my job and I'm going to do it the best I can. It pays minimum wage, but while they are paying me they deserve the best I can give them - that's what I contracted to do when I accepted the wage. I going to go and have fun at this job and learn everything I can and I'll make them glad they took a chance on me."
It was a fun job - because of my attitude. After Daniel was born I went back to work there for a while.
Instrinsic motivation - this job pays minimum wage but I'm giving maximum effort.
(One time I was helping in the drive-thru and my big pregnant belly knocked over the big change sorter thingie and there were coins all over the floor. One of the shift managers, a very funny young man, said, "Oh no, wait...what would McGyver do....what would McGyver do?" And I said, "McGyver would get down on the floor and pick up that change so the pregnant lady didn't have to try to do it!" LOL We all laughed and it was no big deal!)
Have I gone on and on long enough? I think I'm going to copy this and use it for my blog today since it's so long! Sorry about that - you know, some people just think that their every thought is oh, so important and must be broadcast to the world for the betterment of the global community! LOL
Bye! |
| See also: motivation |
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