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| Blindsided By A Diaper |
| In reading this book I was very moved by the stories, the difficulties the couples went through and the way they got through it all. But I couldn't help thinking "I really can't relate." Am I in the minority because my husband and I never went through such dramatic changes in our relationship? I mean we've had our moments, but we talked through things and never let it get to the point of threatening our relationship or causing us to feel like we are competing against each other for the love of our son, or against our son for the attention of each other.
When my husband is feeling like he is not getting much attention from me or that we haven't had time for us lately, he tells me and I respond. Either we make plans for time alone after our son is in bed or we do something that involves the three of us. When I am feeling like I am doing it all myself I tell my husband, and he steps up and starts doing more. He does more than I expect him to do. If he is feeling unapreciated he tells me and I apologize for not acknowledging all he does to help (and he does do plenty). When I am feeling like I need a break I tell him and he draws me a warm bath and I light a candle and soak while he takes care of our son.
We have been parents for nine months now, and we have not suffered any extreme strain on our marriage. Are we the only ones? |
| See also: Blindsided by a diaper, books, marriage, communication |
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| Answers: |
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Marcia,
I had trouble relating to some of the topics also. We did not have jealousy of the kids or resenting them for being in our lives. I mean, hey, that was our CHOICE...to have children right?! Also, most of the contributors were writers themselves and had very flexible schedules with both parents sharing the work mostly. While I am sahm and my husband goes out everday to provide.
It sounds like you have a great husband and that you appreciate what you have!! My husband is great also, but we struggle some on issues that we didn't before we had kids. He was raised by an older dad and while he helps when i ask, i do have to ask mostly. It is not something he thinks about much-he does what his dad did which is work to take care of his family and he doesn't think much about the house/childcare part of it other than playing with the kids. But we cope and reevaluate periodically. Basically, you just have to keep talking to each other no matter what i think. If you descend into silence and resentment then you are heading for trouble...
BTW, i can't believe that one male author who from what i read really did regret having his child and resented all that he had to give up!!! I am not sure what he thought it would be like, are you? |
| posted by Andrea R. on 06/20/2007 |
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| I think the problem pretty often is people don't know what it will be like and don't bother to try to find out before making the decision to have children. As the one mother said, she pictured it being like perfect TV families. If people did half as much research about having children as they do when buying a house or a car, they would have a more realistic view of what to expect. |
| posted by Marcia on 06/20/2007 |
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