I think I'm overprotective, distrustful of everyone, even my parents and children due to obcessively trusting a husband who actually was never trustworthy and lied to me constantly and evaded the truth and was out most of the time. No one was more surprised than me. I don't want my children to know I don't trust them for it could be devastating if I told them and they may think of me telling them I don't trust them their whole life. Even today, I remember things that made me angry at my mother, even though she has been loving, kind, and supportive to me for at least 20 years. I don't want my child not to be able to forgive me for things that happened 30 years ago. I was not an easy child, but my sibling loved me very much, and I turned on him and my mother. I could talk to my dad always. Do you think this could affect my children negatively? I love them so much and they love me unreservedly, but I am not always fair to my oldest, who probably loves me the most, and I hurt the most before the divorce. I think I am better with her now. My god, I hope so. I don't want to ruin her life. She is not like I was as a child. I was hateful because I thought my mother loved my sibling more than me. Jennifer is loving, flexible, and forgives me easily after I get mad at her. If my mother did that I wouldn't give her the time of day for a week or more.
Also, how do I stop transferring all my negative thoughts and ideas onto my children due to my ex-husband? I shouldn't judge them before they do anything, but I do, I guess, using my exhusband as my base of knowledge and insight not to believe anyone, since before I believed everything he said. I know my daughter is my biggest fan and has gone through alot including protecting me. If I'm feeling particularly negative, somehow I will find a way to take it out on her, not the other children. Why?, when it was she and I who went through all the surprises together more than the other children. I think I need help to getting back to who I was before I married him, so I'm not so controlling, and I can start to trust and believe in my children and parents who have only gone out of their way to make things easier for me. I can't even say thanks or give them a simple hug. I'm sure, as their role model, my behavior as a loving or thankful daughter is not teaching them anything about being thankful for parents who will do anything for you or how much I love them. What can I do?
posted by Lydia on 10/12/2010