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| Suffering from anxiety |
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Hello - I'm a SAHM with an 11 month old. I love her more than anyone in this world and I feel extremely grateful to be able to stay at home and raise her. I know all this. BUT at the same time - I cannot help but feel extreme jealousy about my husband and his workplace. It's to the point that I don't want to hear stories from work. He works with mostly females and this bothers me to no end. My anxieties get worse when they have their group "outings" once every 3 months. My friends think I should just relax because he's a good dad and he doesn't go out with his friends or anything like that on any regular basis. I used to work in the city and I get the notion that having 'out of work' socialization is good for better working relations amongst the group. My problem is that I'm jealous of it. Like I mentioned, I'm very fortunate to be able to stay at home with my child - but the thought of him going out drinking with other women makes me very upset. The only thing I keep thinking is ... "one day it will be my time again". We have fought about this and then I have to take a step back because I know I can't do this on my own right now. I also realize that if this relationship should end - I will never get into another one again.
Anyone have advice to help me get through this? |
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Hi
May be you can have him watch your child while you occasionally hang out with your old friends or ex colleagues. Seeking adult interaction is completely normal and it can be hard being a SAHM after having a fulfilling careear. I am sure your husband will support this. You can also hire a babysitter (or ask In laws for help) for a few hours and have a date night with our husband.
Lastly as you said that your husband is a very good father and he probably went out with his colleagues even before you had a child. If it didn't bother you then and now it bothers you, it may be because you feel resentment that he is still living his life while you are not. Thinking like this does not make you a bad mother but you have to cut him some slack.
Go out by yourself a bit more and you will feel things will get better because you will feel that you are also living your life.
If things still don't get better then may be its time to go to a marriage counsellar. They really help !!
Sandhya
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| posted by sandhya on 09/20/2010 |
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| Hey Denise, I can understand your concern, I have been there and most of the time men do not understand how much hard work it is to be a stay @ home mom. They think its easy when its really a full time job and honestly we deserve a night out after work for a drink too! but I guess sometimes you have to choose your battles wisely. If he's a good husband, father and provider and going out is not a "habit" for him, then sometimes you gotta let it go. Let him know how you feel and suggest you have some time for yourself out or maybe sometime out without kids and just the two of you. I hope it all works out, Good luck! |
| posted by nicole on 09/24/2010 |
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| HOLY COW Denise!!! I'm in a similar situtation with my hubby. Like you said I'm lucky he works hard enough for me to be home with my 1 year twins BUT COME ON!!!!!! Sitting here not showered at 4:30 pm cleaning pear smush off the seek say and break up the 130th fight over a toothbrush was not what i thought i would be doing. My husband is a doctor and works mostly with nurses. He is in a group of doctors of 6 men and 150 nurses REALLY!! Of course when the pick a nurse for my hubby for his asstiant they picked tall,blonde,busty,SKINNY, younger than me. I JUST had twins!! I don't feel that great about myself. The whole group has dinner meetings 1st thurs of the month. At first it killed me!!!!!Like you I stay home with the babies and when I get time by myself I SLEEP!!! The one thing that has helped me I called my OBG (crying of course) and after one week on meds. I felt a ton better. Not to say it didn't still make me upset but atleast I could think clear. I also went and got a little retail job that starts 6pm till 10pm. I don't make much AT ALL but I know if I had to be on my own I have a place to make money. I get out and see my work friends sometimes going for drinks after we close. One of the girls is now starting to come over and watch the twins 2 days of the week, to be extra hands. I had my best freind (she's not here anymore)tell me EVERYDAY "Being at home is now your job and you ARE the only one that can do that so well!" If my hubby wants to walk away from his childrens' life I have no control of that. I can control that they have a great, fun, day with their mommy everyday!!! NO MATTER what happens you will always be MOMMY, you can do this with or without him. You love him and will stand by him. But you love that baby more and don't want her to see you sad. Make sure you are thinking clearly first. I had to tell myself I will not cry or get upset TODAY. I had to stop talking about it, (don't laugh) I had to start watching the early morning TV prechers Paula White,was my favorite. I'm not talking religion but I need someone to remind me everyday I was put here for the twins and I can not worry anymore about things I can not control, it will drain you. Hang in there girl you WILL get stronger for you and your little girl, you have to ;) |
| posted by Cheri on 09/27/2010 |
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