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| Where did my old "self" go? |
Don't get me wrong, being a mom is great, but sometimes I feel like I have completely lost who I once was. I am constantly trying to accomplish things that I set out to do years ago. EX: Get in great shape and stay there! I find myself envious of my friends who are always having fun and because they can buy expensive high heels and have somewhere to wear them. I often wonder, is there any way to be who I use to be and who I am now? Can the two ever exist together? |
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| Answers: |
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| I think the two do exist together. You are still the same person, you've just taken on a new roll in life. You shouldn't worry about what your friends can do that you think you can't. Be your own person and strive to be a great mom. I don't think high heels and places to where them will bring you the joy and satisfaction your children can and will. |
| posted by dawn on 01/05/2010 |
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| It's not really about the high heels, etc. It is more about how you go from one phase of your life to another one. At the same time, you have to alter some of the things you use to do or wear. I am not sure you can take on motherhood and claim to be the same person you once were. I know I am definitely not. But I do have many qualities I always have had and always will have. But I do still envy the high heel wearing women of the world. Thanks for your response!!!!! |
| posted by BB on 01/05/2010 |
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| Hi BB, I have a 3 month old and I realize that there hasn't been that much time since I've had him, but I ask myself all the time, "Where did I go?" I was once a cool, hip, very trendy and light hearted person...now I'm pretty frantic (trying to get everything done) and my clothes are far from trendy, and boy do I MISS MY HEELS!!!! lol! It's good to know I'm not the only one. Don't get me wrong, being a mommy is the most blessed and wonderful experience of my life, but I can't help but envy those gorgeous 4 inch heels on the young chick in the next cubicle over. lol! |
| posted by Melissa on 01/06/2010 |
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| LOL! I am so happy that someone understands about the heels! I feel as my children are getting older (7 and 3) I am able to bring back my old self a little more, as far as having more time to do "Me" things. But, it is still so busy. Sometimes even more so than when they did not have activities going on or birthday parties to attend. But, we can always dream of the heels as we pass them by headed to the baby gear! |
| posted by BB on 01/06/2010 |
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| I feel your pain BB, LOL...I waited until I was 42 to adopt a baby, and become a first time mom...and quit my job and stay home after working for 20some years. It's hard to suddenly have a 360 degree turnaround life change and still feel like you're the same person. I miss my "old self" too...my independence and freedom. As much as I love my son dearly, I miss having a life. It doesn't help that we have moved for hubby's job 500 miles from family and friends. I too miss my sports car, sexy clothes & shoes, social life and being spontaneous. It's hard. I am just trying to get thru each day at a time and looking forward to when he is older (he's 18 months now) and a little more self-sufficient. I think these feelings are natural and all moms feel like this at times. Maybe more some days when we're having a tough day... |
| posted by Angela on 01/07/2010 |
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| I can totally relate. My kids are actually getting older, but you have to just focus on making time for yourself a priority, because I thought it would get better (timewise, I mean) but when they get older then you are just running them to activities constantly. It is hard, but everything I read says you do need to make sure you have a little downtime for yourself because if you are less stressed, you will be a better mother, Do you have a babysitter, or find a YMCA or someone who does a mom's day out for a few hours in the morning. Or a gym who has daycare. If anyone wants a great way to make money and get out of the house while doing it, I am a consultant with Discovery toys, and it is a great way to meet other mom's, get an evening out, or even sometimes take the kids, who can have a playdate while you chat with other mothers, have fun, and make money doing it. |
| posted by Theresa on 01/07/2010 |
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| The reality is, "Yes, we do give up our lives to care for our children." I still go out and do things with friends, but it is not the same as it use to be. A lot of my friends who do not have children have seem to forgotten I am alive. So, I began to hang out with friends that have children. But, it is still hard to see how I have lost my little, skinny body and my wardrobe has become something that looks like a thrift shop. I love fashion, but the reality of me being able to wear it out is really slim. It is all worth it in when it really comes down to it. So, for now I will continue to drool over the fabulous purses and matching high heels that stare at me as I walk through the department store. |
| posted by BB on 01/07/2010 |
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I wonder the same thing! I'm a stay at home mom with a 6 month old and my husband works long days and very hard.
I feel like the only thing to look forward to is cleaning the dishes, again! cleaning the living room, again! the toilet, again! folding laundry, again! playing with the baby, again! trying over and over to have time to shower or bathe, when i do get the time, i'm too tierd and use it as an oppurtunity to ly down. I always say i'm going to get in shape, eat better, and have friends. But having friends, and being around other mommies, are not the same thing! It's a differnt kind of socialing, its hard too! |
| posted by Angela on 04/17/2010 |
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| I agree. Everything changes your priorities, your time, even your friends change. I find that I barely have any real friends anymore. My time is divided between work and home. The weekends used to be for relaxing and finding fun things to do. Now, the weekends are for doing laundry, shopping for groceries, and keeping up with the bills and housework. I don't have time to be "me" anymore and am struggling with reinventing myself. |
| posted by Huniya on 04/18/2010 |
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