Just want to be a father -

Just want to be a father

I need some advice. I have a son with a woman that I am no longer in a relationship with, actually we weren't in one when our son was concieved at all. Through her pregnancy I tried the best I could to be there but she was very difficult. I made it known I was there for our child but was not going to be with her. I had a new girlfriend at the time and still have the same one. She didn't like this and tried all she could to get me back even telling people she was having the baby just to get me back. The day came he was born and I was in the hospital with her the whole time till she went home. Then she really got upset that I still wasn't going to be with her. I wanted to have our son and split custody. Her way of getting back at me or saying you are either with me or you don't see your son is by getting full custody. I didn't even know we were going to a custody hearing till I got there and was thrown into it. I wasn't prepared and she had her parents get her some high and mighty lawyers. I don't have money for that at all. After that was over I was only allowed to see my son under her supervision since she said I have never been around such a young baby to know what I was doing, well neither did she before she had him! My girlfriend right now that I have had through all of this also has 2 children and yet has to see my son since the mother won't allow him out of her sight and only at her house. I filed to do the mediation and that got no where. Even suggested meeting at one of the "safe" houses a few times to get use to him so she could be there but not at her house. She wanted nothing to do with it. I do not feel comfortable in her house since she lives with her parents yet and all have ill feelings against me. I have no record at all, no drugs no abuse at all I just want a relationship with my son. My court date for the next custody hearing is next week. She put in she now thinks our son of 8 months now is at the age he will not be comfortable around people he doesn't know so she still doesn't want me around him unless it is with her at her house. I don't know what to do, I am trying the best I can and just wondering if anyone has gone through this to give some sort of legal advice or warning or what I can do.

See also: custody, father, relationship

Written by Wants t...

Posted on 05/15/2009

See all posts by Wants t...

Answers:

my suggestion is to ask the court to do a mediation because a good media-tore will not let any thing that does not involve you her and the child in that is not relevant to your case and it is just you her and the mediator in the room only and no one that is not the parents or custodial parties because most states will do it at no cost to either parties so you can try that because it will also be considered a judgement from the judge and you can always go back and update or change any thing without any extra cost to you because i am having to go through the simaler things with my ex-boyfriend and our child

posted by SARAH on 05/15/2009

Hi Sarah-
We did do the mediation already and got no where. She basically just wants me to pay child support and thats it. Not see my son or be a part of his life all because I chose not to be with her. Mediator was the one that suggested the custody hearing because she couldn't get her to change her mind at all.

posted by Wants t... on 05/18/2009

then you may need to go to court to have it set that you get shared custudy and / or visitation rights given to you and if she does not comply she an be held in contempt of court

posted by SARAH on 05/18/2009

you have to start some where right. do visitations and you show the courts you go every week take pictures tell them there has to be another place other than her house that you can visit with your child. if your parents are around see if her and the baby can come over there. your not going to seperate her and the baby over night. the thing is im a woman and i think she's sorry i know she's doing it out of spite. she dosent want her baby around your girl friend but here's the thing play her games dont feed into them remember that. you need to get a video camrea and a camrea you need to prove to the courts she trusts you with the baby and you do not need supervison. the baby has the right to get to know their own father and repeat that to the courts. you want to spend quality time like going to the park and having your parents read books to their grandchild.they should have rights too. they raised you right? they should be able to have the supervision at their house. and thats the first step. whether she's there or not and video tape it say its a keep sake your mom wanted of the child. lie. video take the importants. when she lets you play with the child and she's on the phone smoking a cig any moment she leaves the room and make sure your parents distract her make her feel welcome so she messes up and chats for a hour with them while you have the baby. any ways you need to prove to the court what she says is wrong.

posted by jessie on 06/04/2009

Try to be the strong one, and I know it makes you uncomfortable but it will show the courts that you are willing to go to her house to see your child. Maybe you can bring up in court for her to meet you at a park. As the last lady said, take pics and video. It will show the courts you want to be involved. And there are MANY parents who have never been around newborns, so wherever that came from is rediculious! good luck. There should be more fathers out there who fight for their kids. Just because a woman gives birth doesnt mean she is right and knows what shes doing. Everyone learns one step at a time. Good luck, keep fightin. You know it will be worth it!

posted by valarie on 06/30/2009

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