Im just so conffused -

Im just so conffused

im 18 and pregnant with twins.

Im doing this with just my moms help, but really its not that much help. Its just a place to live until the babies area yr old.

When i got pregnant i was so inlove with this guy i thought we were going to be together forever. Then in december everything started changing. money started dissapearing from my bank account, things went missing from my house, he stopped helping me around the house, he wouldnt let me see my friends but hed make me sit around his moms house and wait for him to get back from his friends and he wouldnt get back till like 2 in the monring and i would have to work the next day (and had really bad morning sickness). his sister suggested if i broke up with him hed get his life back into shape so i did that in feb. 2 days after we broke up he had a new girl friend and he didnt call me to see how the kids were growing nothing, not a call hey do u need ne help with nething nothing. The only time id talk to him was when i would talk to his sister on the phone he would grab the phone and say so are u giving those kids my last name, u better.

He did call me when i told him i was moving accross the country to live with my mom. he called me and said " please dont leave i love you so much and i would do anything for you and those kids i promise i will". i believed him, but i still left because i needed the help. His whole family keeps telling me that hes changing that hes back in school hes looking for a job hes off drugs. But when i talk to my Brother, who lives there, and my friends there, they all tell me no "hes on this drug and hes started dealing these drugs, hes not in school, hes got a new girlfriend everyweek". And then 3 days ago i got a call from one of his old friends he said to me "look ive been having this on my conscience for along time, he never wanted a relationship with u, he pretended to be nice and sweet to get in ur pants, he was going to leave you but then he found out u were pregnant and didnt know what to do". that came from his best friend, i didnt know what to do. i called him and i asked him if everythign ive been hearing is true he told me i was a stupid slut for believing people and hung up on me.

Im not sure whats wrong with me. Why do i still care for someone thats like that. why do i believe him when everyone is telling me differently.

what is wrong with me???????

Written by Heather

Posted on 04/21/2009

See all posts by Heather

Answers:

I always hate when I put a question out there and no one answers; It can make you feel very alone....so I thought I would be the first to comment.

If I knew all the answers.....well I probably wouldn't be a man for starters. However my thoughts are;

From your description of how he treated you; you already know what kind of guy he is with out needing his friends confession.

Is he cleaning up his act? Will he clean up his act? Will he clean it up in a year, two years, 20 years?

It doesn't really matter does it? Weather he does or he doesn't, neither of those options serves you right now. Right now you know who and what he is. That should be your only concern.

The future is a dream, the past a memory. Neither of them are much use to us at the moment. Personally I would advise forgetting about him and throw yourself into the joys of pregnancy; the wonder and even the fears. Throw yourself into the joys of having children and just forget about him for the moment.

Maybe he will show up clean, clear and loving in a year. Maybe not. Maybe you will have other plans by then.

What's wrong with you? Nothing. You are just human like the rest of us. I missed out on so many opportunities in life and fallowed so many wrong paths chasing love.

With every heart break everyone always told me "You can't find love but it can find you." I just thought they were fools regurgitating something they read in a magazine.

There is nothing wrong with you. I always believed there is only one true love in our life. I was always so afraid of missing out on that so put up with a lot of crap.

Years later though, and in reflection I realized how very “many times” I’d found my “one true love; the only one for me”. Then one day I met my ONLY LOVE; my present wife.

Everyone was right.....Love found me.

As for all the hard times I went through? As hard and rotten as they were I am still grateful for them. Every one of them led me here; A wonderful wife and a daughter. I’ve never loved anyone like I do my daughter.....So guess what? Now I have two “one and onlys”.

Good luck to you.

I wish you the all the best!

posted by ted on 04/21/2009

Just one more little blurt.

I'm sure it wouldn't have taken 38 years for my "true" love to find me. It did however take ME 38 years to love myself enough to be deserving.

As for children? I never liked myself very much. Hence I ended up with alot of the wrong people. When I met my wife I had just started to love myself.

One day, not too very long ago, I was changing my daughter. Gently kissing her toes one by one as I do. I caught her face. Her eyes sparkled. Her smile ear to ear. I realized the most beautiful I'd ever seen was how she looked at me. That sparkle in her eyes was my own reflection and how she seen me.

That was probably the first time I ever considered that I too was lovable. Lovable by the most special person on earth in fact; my child.

I should get to my house work now. I talk way too much.

Again. Take care.

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." - John Lennon (Darling Boy)

posted by ted on 04/21/2009

Heather first of all if I was anywhere near u I would give u the biggest hug and we coold just fall to the floor and cry out all that pain you must be feeling. I don't even know where to start. One as Ted said there is nothing wrong with you. Two Your a woman with a big heart trying do what everyone else if life is trying to do find their true love. This guy u are talking about, is exactly that just a guy..... besides your twins theres NOTHING he can give u that u can't give yourself...for the sake of ur self and your twins you gotta let this guy go. He will only take u under. I know its hard right now because u are young and really at this age young girls like you and me should be focused on ourselves we still got alot of growing to do. Now its about to get even harder with your twins. Everyday ur gonna have to think about two other people before you think about urself. Don't let this Loser of man be the third person to get the attention that u should spend on urself. It may seem impossible to do but you just gotta let go. Its gonna be hard but focus u and ur babies....men will come trust me they will. Ted is right learn to love yourself and then someone will love u

posted by Cleopatra on 04/22/2009

Heather,

Like Cleopatra & Ted said, There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing more human than falling for someone who turns out to disappoint you. Unfortunately, your situation is going to be very tough because you are having twins and it doesn't sound like you have a good support system. You will need to grow up pretty quickly and learn to take care of yourself, for the sake of your children.

As far as your loser boyfriend goes, there isn't really an excuse for him but more than likely he had a drug problem while you were dating. I don't know if this is something you were aware of or not The classic signs were there, I only know because I dated a guy who eventually confessed to being addicted to crack. His behavior was very similar. He stole from me, borrow my car and disappeared for long periods of time without having an explanation etc. He was a lot older than your boyfriend and had been addicted for a long time. The good news is that he eventually got clean but it had nothing to do with me and it was about 10 years later. So, people can get clean but there is NOTHING you can do to make it happen. (I know first hand.)

posted by Lola on 04/27/2009

you are young and beautiful when you get that and love yourself as Ted said life will fall into place. I too have twins and I stayed with a man that put himself first before his family. He was verbally abusive. That is only a quarter of what you will deal with. You know that already. I see in your letter you know that and you are going to be a wonderful mommy. Why? you are looking to get rid of someone who will only affect you and your babies in a negative way,stay away from negative things they dont fit in your life. You are a mom now,right? Do you want your babies to have a father like that. As I say my kids father was just a sperm donor. There is a great person who will someday be a DAD. I have a awesome step dad for my kids. Again, you know all this already. I am confident you will do the right thing. Twins are Fun! Enjoy them and love them!

posted by Pam on 05/07/2009

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