I've heard a variation of this from so many grandparents: "I was so busy when my kids were little, I didn't have the time/patience/money/etc to enjoy them the way I do my grandkids."

I'm no different. I started parenting at 16, and I was so concerned with what everyone else thought of me that I was too anxious to have fun with my kids. Like many parents, I was worried about doing it right: teaching them values and preparing them for the realities of life. I was always in a hurry. I had to be practical. In fact, I have a mountain of guilt from an exaggerated sense of disappointing my children. One instance in particular haunts me to this day; I'll just say "the doll that never was" and leave it at that.

Now that I am a grandmother I relish every moment. Instead of whisking my grandkids hurriedly down the stairs, I hold thier hand and we take one step at a time. Instead of rushing them through everything or doing things for them, I watch them as they grapple with things from buttons to sippy-cup lids. When I spend time with them I am present 100%.  I don't want to be distracted when they are with me. I didn't have that luxury as a single mother.

When we are together, it's all about them. Not in an indulgent way, but in an attentive way. In a weird sense, I feel like I  am making up for lost time. It's a gift I hope my kids will remember long after thier own childhood disappointments have faded.  Still, I wish I had bought the doll.