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| My Husband never spends time with me |
| Ok we have a 2 year old and 9 month old so we dont get alot of time anyway, but even when we get a chance we still dont. We never talk anymore. I now we both still have a lot of growing to do are selves bc I am only 21 and he is 22. He tells his mother everthing and it really hurts me. I tell him all the time and the only time he does spend time with me is when were in bed and even then he says we need to hurry. I feel like I am the only one taking care of everything. He dosent understand why I am always ill but I am with the kids 24/7 no lie. We dont live around any family they are all 9hrs away and my daughter wont stay with a babysitter she wont even stay with my husband/her daddy. I have tried to tell him why but he dosent get it. All we do is fight. I am to the point to where I am starting to want out but I keep hoping things will change. I just dont know what to do anymore? |
| See also: husband, moms, babies, |
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| First of all, as far as your daughter not wanting to go to a sitter, you need to make her. She will never get used to the fact that mommy wont always be around. And when she is at the sitter, you and your husband can get a date night whether it is dinner, or staying in and watching movies. Sounds like you are both young and just overwhelmed with a new family. Sometimes it is hard for adults to talk seriously with screaming kids around. My husband and I have been married for 10 years and we have a 5 and 6 year old and it is still hard to consentrate on our relationship. But seriousy, make time for yourselves, it is healthy in a marriage, and easier to talk one to one. |
| posted by Jennifer on 01/16/2009 |
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| I know what your going through and it hurts real bad...My other half doesn't spend time with me either heck he sleeps on the couch and most times he's always finding jobs out of town so he's not even home though the week just on weekends... I have one child with him 18 months and he has 2 children from another relationship and I have 1 from a relationship before him so we have 4 in total and the only time we talk well YELL at each other is when he's putting down my son who's 17 and well he;s a teenage and always gettin into something..I'm loney and feel the same way you do......I think the ONLY reason I'm here is to look after the kids and his mom and the house he's always on line at night after I go to bed and I have read e-mails that say he's singal ...He has no intrest in me and I don't know what to do either...My family really isn't much help all I hear is we have no money to help you start over ......Start over heck thats the story of my life I thought he was differant...I'm really thinking all men are the same THINK ABOUT THEMSELF'S only |
| posted by bre on 01/16/2009 |
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Jessica. Breathe Girl! Unfortunately we can determine how our men will be as Fathers or "household participants" So...Do you LOVE him?
If so...You need to realize WOMEN ARE STRONGER PARENTS THEN MEN and we're capable & great at multi tasking...Ask your husband is he "willing" to turn it up a notch on learning to care for your children so you can take a break every Saturday? If not, then definitely hire a babysitter and start instilling trust that Mommy will come back...Most childcare people can handle the separation anxiety kids initially go through...If YOU don't begin creating a more balanced life so you can take a break begin taking it out on your kids...A.)You give your husband first shot but I know you want to feel safe that they are actually being taken care of...B.) Hire a babysitter to come to your home...Atleast they remain in their environment ~ GOOD LUCK! Sarah |
| posted by Sarah on 01/16/2009 |
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| I meant to write CAN'T determine how they'll be as Fathers...LOL |
| posted by Sarah on 01/16/2009 |
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Wow, I am 22 (as of Jan 14) and my husband is 25. Our children are 2 and 9 months. Although We are similar I am with my children 24/7 and sometimes need a break and don't get a lot of help with the house hold chores. My husband always seems to squeeze in a little bit of time for me in out busy schedules. I would also say balance you life.. even if you aren't spending time with your husband maybe hire a babysitter and go out with another mom or and old friend. This may make you husband jealous and you can say that you would rather spend the time with him but he never seems to want to spend time with you.. hopefully this will work out for you and your children/.
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| posted by Jessie on 02/20/2009 |
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| MY SELFISH THOUGHTS ABOUT WHAT I DO, HAVE TO DO AND WHAT I CANT DO MADE ME ANGRY ALL THE TIME. SO WHEN DADDY CAME IN FROM WORK ID LASH OUT AT HIM, WHICH MAKES THEM NOT WANT TO COME HOME, OR WORK OUT OF TOWN, OR COME HOME AND TUNE OUT ALL THAT IS GOING ON.TRY APPROACHING HIM WITHOUT HASTE, ANGER OR THAT NAGGING TONE ALL WOMEN GET , ME INCLUDED, HAVE THE KIDS AT A SITTER , START WITH A HOUR AT FIRST AND WORK UP TO LONGER PERIODS AWAY FROM MOM, WHEN THERE GONE HAVE ARELAXING TIME WITH HIM AND SET A TIME UP FOR HIM TO GET A BREAK, JUST HIS TIME, YOU SET UP YOURS, AND THEN SET A TIME AND DAY EACH WEEK FOR THE TWO OF YOU. |
| posted by JACKQUILNE on 02/22/2009 |
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| MY SELFISH THOUGHTS ABOUT WHAT I DO, HAVE TO DO AND WHAT I CANT DO MADE ME ANGRY ALL THE TIME. SO WHEN DADDY CAME IN FROM WORK ID LASH OUT AT HIM, WHICH MAKES THEM NOT WANT TO COME HOME, OR WORK OUT OF TOWN, OR COME HOME AND TUNE OUT ALL THAT IS GOING ON.TRY APPROACHING HIM WITHOUT HASTE, ANGER OR THAT NAGGING TONE ALL WOMEN GET , ME INCLUDED, HAVE THE KIDS AT A SITTER , START WITH A HOUR AT FIRST AND WORK UP TO LONGER PERIODS AWAY FROM MOM, WHEN THERE GONE HAVE ARELAXING TIME WITH HIM AND SET A TIME UP FOR HIM TO GET A BREAK, JUST HIS TIME, YOU SET UP YOURS, AND THEN SET A TIME AND DAY EACH WEEK FOR THE TWO OF YOU. |
| posted by JACKQUILNE on 02/22/2009 |
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| MY SELFISH THOUGHTS ABOUT WHAT I DO, HAVE TO DO AND WHAT I CANT DO MADE ME ANGRY ALL THE TIME. SO WHEN DADDY CAME IN FROM WORK ID LASH OUT AT HIM, WHICH MAKES THEM NOT WANT TO COME HOME, OR WORK OUT OF TOWN, OR COME HOME AND TUNE OUT ALL THAT IS GOING ON.TRY APPROACHING HIM WITHOUT HASTE, ANGER OR THAT NAGGING TONE ALL WOMEN GET , ME INCLUDED, HAVE THE KIDS AT A SITTER , START WITH A HOUR AT FIRST AND WORK UP TO LONGER PERIODS AWAY FROM MOM, WHEN THERE GONE HAVE ARELAXING TIME WITH HIM AND SET A TIME UP FOR HIM TO GET A BREAK, JUST HIS TIME, YOU SET UP YOURS, AND THEN SET A TIME AND DAY EACH WEEK FOR THE TWO OF YOU. |
| posted by JACKQUILNE on 02/22/2009 |
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| WOW HOW CAN I ERASE THAT GUESS I HIT SUBMIT ONE TO MANY TIMES |
| posted by JACKQUILNE on 02/22/2009 |
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i know how you feel because i'm your lost twin, lol. i think as married couples stay married, it becomes easier and easier to stop talking. as the silences grow, there becomes a much greater chance of miscommunication. as more and more miscommunication grows, you both find yourselves in a place that you never thought you would be. this happens to the best of us who were sweethearts for the longest time. shouldn't they tell all married couples that this could happen and does happen?!
what i suggest is sitting down and talking with your hubby. it may be difficult at first but you need to clarify things like are you both exhausted and don't have the energy to spend time with one another, are you both in this marriage/relationship for the long haul?, etc. i hate confronting issues such as these but i took a gamble and told my dh how lonely i had felt for the past 5 years. i told him i felt that i was all alone with the kids. he felt sad/upset that i had been making decisions without him in mind and that we were both going in separate directions. i told him that i had given up hope that we could feel the way we did when we were first dating because we could spend days, weeks not saying a word to one another. i learned things that i didn't know like he was happy that i was staying at home with the kids, that his feelings for me haven't changed but we just have so much more on our plates now that we don't have much free time to spend with one another as when we were dating. he also told me that i was never alone and that he was committed to us. so he asked me what he could do for me and i told him i wanted to go out for dinner at least once a month and we've been doing that. i've also been more open in speaking up instead of staying silent for the sake of not adding anymore stress to his life but i realize that my silence adds stress to our relationship in the long run so i'd better clear the air now as opposed to later. he also acknowledged (which i've known for a while) that once the kids are older, we will have more time for ourselves. your kids are really young so they do need you more and are more needy. that will change. our kids are 8, 5 & 2.
but i just want you to know that there is hope. the most difficult time in a marriage is when the children are young, like yours. things will get better between the two of you once they are more independent. it is really important to communicate w/your partner. the greatest lesson i learned this year is that you cannot gain big if you don't risk big. so take that leap of faith and start talking to your husband. not yelling or sarcasm but a heartfelt discussion of what is on both your minds. its the only way to make it work out between the both of you.
hths, good luck & {{{hugs}}}. you are not alone.
cathy |
| posted by eatatmoms on 05/07/2009 |
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i know how you feel because i'm your lost twin, lol. i think as married couples stay married, it becomes easier and easier to stop talking. as the silences grow, there becomes a much greater chance of miscommunication. as more and more miscommunication grows, you both find yourselves in a place that you never thought you would be. this happens to the best of us who were sweethearts for the longest time. shouldn't they tell all married couples that this could happen and does happen?!
what i suggest is sitting down and talking with your hubby. it may be difficult at first but you need to clarify things like are you both exhausted and don't have the energy to spend time with one another, are you both in this marriage/relationship for the long haul?, etc. i hate confronting issues such as these but i took a gamble and told my dh how lonely i had felt for the past 5 years. i told him i felt that i was all alone with the kids. he felt sad/upset that i had been making decisions without him in mind and that we were both going in separate directions. i told him that i had given up hope that we could feel the way we did when we were first dating because we could spend days, weeks not saying a word to one another. i learned things that i didn't know like he was happy that i was staying at home with the kids, that his feelings for me haven't changed but we just have so much more on our plates now that we don't have much free time to spend with one another as when we were dating. he also told me that i was never alone and that he was committed to us. so he asked me what he could do for me and i told him i wanted to go out for dinner at least once a month and we've been doing that. i've also been more open in speaking up instead of staying silent for the sake of not adding anymore stress to his life but i realize that my silence adds stress to our relationship in the long run so i'd better clear the air now as opposed to later. he also acknowledged (which i've known for a while) that once the kids are older, we will have more time for ourselves. your kids are really young so they do need you more and are more needy. that will change. our kids are 8, 5 & 2.
but i just want you to know that there is hope. the most difficult time in a marriage is when the children are young, like yours. things will get better between the two of you once they are more independent. it is really important to communicate w/your partner. the greatest lesson i learned this year is that you cannot gain big if you don't risk big. so take that leap of faith and start talking to your husband. not yelling or sarcasm but a heartfelt discussion of what is on both your minds. its the only way to make it work out between the both of you.
hths, good luck & {{{hugs}}}. you are not alone.
cathy |
| posted by eatatmoms on 05/07/2009 |
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