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| Shared sleeping |
I have a 21 month old that sleeps with me and my husband (his idea ), anyone have advice on how to get her to sleep in her own room, without having to here her scream for hours? |
| See also: toddlers |
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| Answers: |
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| Yeah that Ferber method sucks...I hate to say this, but our son is 3 1/2 and we are still dealing with sleeping alone. Some things that have helped though are...getting a "big boy" bed and then we can lay with him in his room until he goes to sleep, then go to our own bed. Another thing we are going to try is something we saw on Super Nanny or one of those shows. She said sit near the bed one night until they go to sleep, then each night or so, move further and further away from the bed until you are out of the door. Eventually, they get used to you not being right there. Talking to a 21 mos old may not work, but a counselor also said to explain to the child how important it is for mom and dad to get good sleep and that they need to sleep together and that's how it is. Hope some of this helps, let me know. Good luck! |
| posted by Kerri on 12/08/2007 |
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| My friend has the exact same problem you do. At first her 3 year old daughter did that and finally they put a portable dvd player in her room and let her watched a movie until she fell asleep. And now her 1year old daughter is doing the exact same thing (sleeping in mommy and daddys bed). But her husband is probably to blame for this. He doesn't like to hear the kids crying. But I wish I could help you more. I'm sorry. |
| posted by Chelle on 12/09/2007 |
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| i think a dvd player in their room is worse than shared sleeping |
| posted by Devon on 12/09/2007 |
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I think a DVD player is a bad idea. I think going to sleep with music is too. People need quiet to think. Our lives are so full of talking, music and whatever else that at bedtime we need silence to just think.
My 11 yr. old didn't quit sleeping with me until he was 8 when the baby came along. The baby didn't sleep with me. I didn't want that battle again. He is 3 and has maybe slept with me 5 times I'd guess. It's hard once you start that's why I didn't start with my 3rd child.
If it were me I'd put the child to bed in their own bed and if need be let them cry. I hate hearing them cry it breaks my heart but I need sleep and a sex life. After awhile of the routine she should stop and get used to the idea. Be consistent and don't give in. One thing to is to TRY and put her to bed befor she is over tired but not befor she is tired enough. The same time everynight helps them know what is going to happen and when.
Sorry if I came on to strong. |
| posted by Janet on 09/24/2008 |
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| Kids should not be sleeping with their parents simply because Mommy and Daddy need alone time! You're with them all day long and you need to be able to sleep. Bad dreams are one thing, but it can get overwhelming. I would suggest sitting down and explain how your child needs to sleep in their own bed, and then you need to be on the same page with your husband. If you're up for the screaming, but he's going to cave, your child is never going to learn anything. Also, reward them when they sleep in their bed. Tell them that if they sleep alone all night long (like they said, leave a movie or music going to soothe them), they will get, say, a day at the park with mommy and daddy, or a new toy or a treat. One couple I knew told their son that when children reached X age (he was three) that they got to "Graduated" to the big boy bed, and they didn't have to sleep with their parents anymore. They made it a big deal and threw a litle party to celebrate it, so that it became a good thing, not a punishment. |
| posted by Abigail on 10/30/2008 |
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| Check out askdrsears.com The three pediatricians in the family offer several suggestions on transitioning to sleeping alone. They are pro co-sleeping if it works for you but also understand that there is a point when it's necessary to make a change. The Baby Sleep Book gets into more detail than the web site. |
| posted by Lisa on 10/30/2008 |
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my daughter is 13-months old and we starting bed-sharing from day one...i breastfed so it was much easier on me..when she got around 10-months old, for her safety (she started climbing out of my bed) we decided to put her in the crib which is in our room..i put her crib mattress on the floor and slept beside of it with her on the mattress so she could get used to the sound (crib mattresses sound like plastic) and smell of it..then i put the mattress in the crib and moved the crib so it touched my bed for a week or so and slept with my hand in the crib with her...then finally moved the crib back across the room...we slept like that for a few weeks, then to make sure she could sleep by herself, DH and i slept in the guest room for a few weeks...she was alone in her bed, but in an environment she felt safe and comfortable in...very gradual process, but now she can sleep alone...of course, we moved back into our room because the point wasnt to move her to a different room, just to make sure she could sleep alone...once a week or so, we go to the guest room to sleep...we have no problems...i also still allow her to sleep with me if she is sick or just really having a bad day and i take naps with her (SAHM)...if you really want her in a seperate room without the tears (i hate the CIO method) do it gradually...make the process last a couple of months and there will probably be a few nights in that time that she sleeps with you guys again, but it kept my daughter from getting stressed out....not one night of crying...now we cuddle til shes almost asleep then i put her in her crib and leave the room without a sound...sometimes i still bring her back to my bed after shes asleep cause i miss having her beside of me
i personally do not need alone time like the one mom said
my husband and i are very creative about our alone time since she still sleeps in our room and we never had a problem with her sleeping with us for that reason...i just feared for her safety playing unsupervised if she crawled out of bed
good luck
sounds like you are trying to make it as painless for her as possible...im sure she will be fine
btw, my sister also puts her son to sleep with a dvd...he loves going to bed (hes addicted to tv at 18 months) but cant sleep without it on so its a pro and a con |
| posted by nikki on 12/31/2008 |
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YEAH! TAKE YOUR BED BACK! Have a night time routine of "Special Mommy Time"...Then let her choose a special blanket and 2 books then in her own bed she goes...You do need your husband's support though...I believe children sleeping in their parents beds assist in insecurities & lack of respect for the parents ~ Your bedroom is YOUR space for "Mommy & Daddy" time...Get prepared for the few days of tantrums it brings but follow through & IT WILL WORK!
Good Luck. |
| posted by Sarah on 01/16/2009 |
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my two and half year old sleeps with me in my bed while daddy sleeps in his own room this has been the way for a while now daddy works so neeeds his sleep our relationship hAS been affected
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| posted by mairead on 05/17/2009 |
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| Boy; that's a tough one at that age! I never allowed that with my daughter so I am afraid I may not be much help. But I did want to mention that perhaps you could put her in her own room and you lay with her until she falls asleep and then leave the room; do this for awhile then begin to sit on the floor until she falls asleep and then leave the room. Does she sleep all night? You may need to repeat the steps but you should be able to "work" your way out of the room altogether. Best of luck! |
| posted by Mary on 05/18/2009 |
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| Boy; that's a tough one at that age! I never allowed that with my daughter so I am afraid I may not be much help. But I did want to mention that perhaps you could put her in her own room and you lay with her until she falls asleep and then leave the room; do this for awhile then begin to sit on the floor until she falls asleep and then leave the room. Does she sleep all night? You may need to repeat the steps but you should be able to "work" your way out of the room altogether. Best of luck! |
| posted by Mary on 05/18/2009 |
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