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| Teenager Pushes Mom Too Far |
| Well, he did it. He kept on even after I warned him, after his daddy warned him, he still kept on. You'd think that the issue is something big like him getting a girl pregnant, or totalling my new (to me) car. But no. All the drama, all the yelling, all the attitude is about.....chores.
Chores! Big whoopdy-doo! He could get get them done and get them done right in 30-45 minutes depending on the day. But no. He refuses to use the checklist I made to make sure they didn't forget anything. He only does a half-@#$%^ job and gives it a big 10% effort.
So, when I noticed the kitchen counter needed to be cleaned, he kind of blew up. "I cleaned it and then you and Rachel go in there and make a mess." I point out that there are crumbs on the counter from before he even woke up that are still there. "Well, I'm not doing it!"
Now he has no Playstation 2, no PSP, no TV privileges, no DVD/VCR privileges, no CD player/radio, and no computer privileges, and though his friends are welcome to come up here, they can't bring their electronic stuff, and Daniel can't go down there. He's hating life right now, because he has to miss his beloved wrestling.
I taught him to play solitaire - so he does that periodically, he's played a game or two with his sister (who is going to be in the same boat come Monday, I'm sure), his played with his wrestling figures, he's practiced golf, he's played with a variety of pets..so he's finding some things to do. He won't read any of the books we have, or magazines. He didn't want to help his daddy with painting the bathroom, he didn't want to cook dinner, but he does want to play Joker Board with us. I promised him I would do that this evening - and I don't make very many promises! Maybe we can get daddy and sister to play too.
All this over being to stubborn to do 30-45 minutes worth of chores each day, and do them right. And why? Because he's just got this sucky attitude that he shouldn't have to do anything he doesn't want to.
When his dad asked him why he refused to do his chore, he actually said, "I'm tired of people telling me what to do."
He'll earn back electronics at the rate of one/week, but only if the attitude stays good. If it gets really bad, I'll start taking things away again!
I can't believe all this is over chores - I just can't! |
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| Answers: |
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Kelly,
Wow, I know it is tough. It truly sounds like a power struggle between your son and you & dad but mostly you from what I read.
You might want to try praising him on the things he has done even if they are not done well. 1) Thank him for what he did do 2) give him rewards based on what has been done 3) pick your battles. It is good to hold children accountable but sometimes us parents have our heels dug in and will not budge an inch.
If your son has chores to do, he does them half way, then perhaps you can give him half the credit without arguements. Do not engage him or answer back to him when he complains. He is expressing that he is not happy and doesn't understand the big deal. Acknowledge that he is angry or upset and let him know you are proud of him for what he has done thus he has earned 1 1/2 hours of playtime and he can choose what he wishes to play with. 1 hour of playstation, 30 minutes of something else etc. Then, let him know that with improvement to his cleaning, he can add more time to his paying. Sometimes, children just feel no matter what, they can never be good enough or do good enough so why try and then there are those who try to get away with as little work as possible. You have it covered by letting it be his choice 1 1/2 hours of play time or the rest of the afternoon for play time. Hope this helps. Also, think before you speak... do not react to his comments... unless you need to let him know he is dangerously close to disrespecting you. When he disrespects you , just say "Stop!" that is enough.. when he gets excited, use the word "relax" and "its ok, just relax and lets work through this." |
| posted by Susan on 08/31/2007 |
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This turned out to mainly be a power struggle based on the fact that since he turned 16 he's suddenly decided he doesn't have be responsible for anything or accountable to anyone.
We've moved past it, now.
Now, the thing is his smart-alecky comebacks and putdowns all the time and thinking he's so funny. But even I remember going through that annoying stage two or three times before I understood that when you are the only one that thinks you are being clever, you really just sound ridiculous. |
| posted by Kelly on 08/31/2007 |
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Hey Kelly,
It all sounds like normal behavior. Just hope his dad stops your son when he is truly disrespecting you. It is important for son's to learn how to respect their mothers so that when he is married, he will know how to respect his wife. In older times, adults were given respect because of their age but in todays society, adults need to earn that respect through their own character. Hope all goes well, it isn't easy working with teenagers. |
| posted by Susan on 09/01/2007 |
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