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| Reality of Fatherhood |
My husband, Jesse, is having a difficult time with fatherhood. Whenever our son, Ian, cries, it's always me who has to go comfort him, change him, feed him, entertain him. He will try and entertain our son, but the moment Ian starts to get fussy, back to mama he goes. Jesse doesn't know how to handle Ian's crying or what to do when he gets fussy. At the same time, I have a hard time getting out of the house on my own because my husband doesn't want to stay home with Ian because he might start crying. Jesse doesn't mind being with Ian when he's happy and quiet, but when he's fussy and crying, he doesn't want to deal with him. I'm also the only one who gets up with Ian at night. Jesse works during the day, so I understand while I'm the only one who is getting up, but it would be nice if he could do it once during the weekend. On top of that, when he gets home from work, he wants to relax by himself. I just spent all day with our son, I could use some social interaction!
Is anyone else having the same problems? |
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| its hard, me and my fiancee have a deal that on his 3 day weekend we do every other night where he wil get up wiht her in the morning nad then on his 2 day weekend i do it saturday dna he does it sunday so i get one day to sleepin as long as i want. and if she happens to wake up in hte night which so usually doesnt, whoever gets to sleep in the next day gets up during hte night. its a great plan. im thankful mitch wants to play with ella when he gets home from work. she was very colicy until she was like 2 months old so he had no choice but ot take her if she was crying when he got home bc after a whole day of dealingn eiht it i just couldnt do it anymore. dont give him a choice. how old is Ian? he has to learn to deal with it eventually. |
| posted by Devon on 07/17/2007 |
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Hi Jackie!!!!!
Im going thru the same thing, its hard, my husband helps me but when he feels like it, if he is tired after work forget it, he gets home, eats and pass out in the sofa, its all me and sometimes it feels unfair since it doenst matter if we are sick or if we are really tired we have to keep going . I tell my husband our son doent eat when we feel like feeding him he depends on us, I know he loves our son but dads just dont have the patience nor dedication we do. I dont know if you have the same problem but sometimes I think is my fault too because at the weekends that he is home I should ask him to watch the baby so I can go do something I like but I feel guilty if I leave my son I feel like a bad mom or something so I cant blame him completly its also my fault. I also feel like my husband is selfish sometimes because since the day I got pregnant I change all my life for my family, I left my career and everything i do is for my son and husband and the fact my husband can not skip one day of surfing at the weekends to help me with the baby makes mad, like if we are suppouse to go somewhere visit some friends or something he goes surfing and gets home like 15 minutes before the time we are suppouse to leave the house soooooooo I have to take care of getting the baby ready make the bags with the baby's food, toys, etc and I never have the chance to get myself ready always without make up and with a pony tail its so unfairrrrrrrr!!! |
| posted by Lorena on 07/17/2007 |
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| not all dads are like that! my fiancee loves taking care of our daughter. whether hes tired or wants to fish or whatever. how can you feel bad for leaving your son with his father? your husband? sounds like marital problems if they wont take care of their kids or help you. dont say dads dont have dedication or patience bc it might just be your husbands. |
| posted by Devon on 07/17/2007 |
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| You are right, I shouldnt said dads, Im sure there are some dads that do take care and help without problems, I guess Im the one with the problem then. |
| posted by Lorena on 07/17/2007 |
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| hve you tried talking to him and telling him you want and need his help? just because you stay home wiht the baby doesnt mean its not a job. he gets to leave his job, you dont. maybe ifyou sit him down and nicely tell him you need help and would appreciate a little respect for what you do for the family he would understand. maybe he doesnt realize what he is doing. your not the one with the problem, he is. that baby is half him so he should carry half the weight. yeah, he has an outside job, but it takes two to raise a child. not one. |
| posted by Devon on 07/17/2007 |
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| Don't get me wrong, my husband is great with our son; if I need some time away, he's more than willing to watch our son. My husband just didn't know what to do and it was hard for him to figure out what Ian wanted. When he couldn't, he got frustrated. |
| posted by Jaxon on 07/23/2007 |
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| My husband is really great with our son; especially when he's happy. But when he would get fussy while playing with Daddy, he would immediately turn to me and say, "What's wrong with him?" At first it made me feel really good that he knew I spent all day with him and know his cries. After a while I got irritated and just explained how it bothered me that he didn't try to figure it out on his own first and always expected me to have the "miracle" fix. He understood but his response was that I do get to spend a lot of time with our son and he hates, for Brody's sake, when he's upset or needs something and feels better when it can be fixed right away. It made sense to me and now that we know how each other feels. I told him the "checklist" I use when I'm not sure what our son needs and now he only asks when he knows our son's not hungry, needing a diaper, or tired, or when he tries to be funny. LOL It's also helped our parenting relationship because we both know the same tricks to comforting him. |
| posted by Jenni on 07/23/2007 |
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