| Parenting Styles Influnces Child's Temperment??? |
 Hi, Everyone.
This is an article I found that I thought would be of interst to you all. Let me know if you agree with it or not. I sure would love to hear your thoughts on the subject.
~Cassandra
http://www.medem.com/medlb/article_detaillb.cfm?article_ID=ZZZ7GO1P8FC&sub_cat=106
How Parenting Styles Influence Temperament
Parents have their own temperaments, social skills and parenting style that can influence a child's social abilities and her acceptance by peers. If you are highly critical, disapproving, rejecting or aggressive, your child will tend to mimic your style and behave in a hostile and aggressive manner with her peers. By contrast, if you are generous, accepting and patient, your child probably will adopt these same characteristics and do much better in making friends.
Some experts have categorized parenting into three styles:
Authoritarian parents tend to overcontrol their children, instituting a set of absolute rules and standards. As they emphasize a high degree of control, they may deemphasize warmth and trust. They also tend to assert their power by restricting privileges and even withdrawing love or approval. This parenting style may cause the child to feel rejected and isolated. She may develop only adequate social skills and will tend to remain dependent on her mother and father.
Permissive parents are at the other end of the spectrum. They demonstrate considerable warmth and affection, are generally very accepting, exercise a low level of control over their children, and make few demands upon them. Their children tend to become moderately independent and achieve modest degrees of social success.
Authoritative parents fall between these two extremes. While exercising considerable control, they also exhibit warmth and affection and seem to have appropriate expectations for their children. As their youngsters move through the middle years of childhood, the parents recognize the growing maturity of their offspring, encourage appropriate levels of responsibility and use reason and negotiation in resolving differences. Their children tend to be independent and socially successful.
The way you relate to your child can also be influenced by the child herself. If your child is temperamentally difficult, for instance, you may react by becoming more anxious, aggressive, negative, and controlling, and less nurturing and less likely to respond positively. As a result, your child may grow up insecure and lacking appropriate social skills, and she may experience difficult interactions with peers.
Dealing with Your Child's Temperament
Parents sometimes interpret a child's style of interacting as inherently bad. However, a youngster's temperament is only a problem when it conflicts with the expectations of his parents, other family members, friends or teachers. For example, if a parent is intense and ambitious, and his or her youngster is mild-mannered and easygoing, the parent may feel disappointed, frustrated and angry. The child, pressured to behave in ways foreign to his basic inclinations and innate personality, may resist and cause conflict within the family.
The problem is on its way to being resolved when you recognize and accept the reality that there is a mismatch of temperaments. Once you acknowledge that your personalities are different, any tendencies to blame either the child or yourself should ease. You need to modify your childrearing strategies to some extent to ensure a better "fit" between you and your child. At the same time, you need to help him learn to compromise, adapt and expand his repertoire of acceptable social responses and behavior.
When you think of your child's temperament in objective terms rather than react to it emotionally and instinctively, you and your child will get along better. If your child has a difficult temperament as a preschooler, and if you understand and respond appropriately, he will probably modify his behavior, and may not remain as difficult during his school-age years. His intensity can become part of his enthusiasm, determination, charm and zeal as he feels better about himself and his relationship with others. For that to happen, your own attitudes and behaviors can play a major role in how he adapts and expresses his feelings.
Also, in the weeks and months ahead, avoid labeling your child as bad or difficult. Labels stick, and not only may family members unfairly prejudge your youngster, but he may come to see himself as different, undesirable or just not fitting in. This negative self-image can further interfere with efforts - both yours and his - to improve his way of responding to difficult situations and can lead to more serious emotional conflicts.
Excerpted from Caring for Your School-Age Child: Ages 5 to 12, Bantam 1999
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| See also: Parenting, children, temperment |
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